for Lifeblood12/23/2008 c16 KristinaGuzman
I would defintily be interested in reading more lifeblood, I mean I dont think it would be bad lets face it you have fantastic writing skills.
I found her an interesting character too, but would you incorparate elsandra in it? maybe jumping from the time of your original story to after she killed camille, but from isabelles point of view?
I would defintily be interested in reading more lifeblood, I mean I dont think it would be bad lets face it you have fantastic writing skills.
I found her an interesting character too, but would you incorparate elsandra in it? maybe jumping from the time of your original story to after she killed camille, but from isabelles point of view?
12/17/2008 c15 
7I. Degolier
Congratulations on finishing! This is an impressive accomplishment. I can see how your writing has developed from the early chapters to the last one. You definitely include a lot of detail in your work, which makes reading it a very sensory experience. A few suggestions: Elsandra is a very likeable character, but the descriptions of her beautiful hair, slender fingers, amazingly talented Class A slaying skills, etc. are inching her toward Mary Sue territory. She might appear more well-rounded if you added some undesirable aspects to her character, like giving her a crisis of confidence. Also, the fight scene at the end is very descriptive but also appears very drawn out, causing it to lose tension. This might be corrected by eliminating unnecessary details and by cutting the sentence lengths during crucial moments.
Thanks for your review, and good luck with the revision!
7I. DegolierCongratulations on finishing! This is an impressive accomplishment. I can see how your writing has developed from the early chapters to the last one. You definitely include a lot of detail in your work, which makes reading it a very sensory experience. A few suggestions: Elsandra is a very likeable character, but the descriptions of her beautiful hair, slender fingers, amazingly talented Class A slaying skills, etc. are inching her toward Mary Sue territory. She might appear more well-rounded if you added some undesirable aspects to her character, like giving her a crisis of confidence. Also, the fight scene at the end is very descriptive but also appears very drawn out, causing it to lose tension. This might be corrected by eliminating unnecessary details and by cutting the sentence lengths during crucial moments.
Thanks for your review, and good luck with the revision!
12/15/2008 c15 3Kadekksys
aw. all done :( kinda abrupt, too. oh wells... BTW, major kudos points for NOT going with the cliched ending! hooray! But seriously, I'm way impressed cause I feel like most authors wouldn't have the guts to NOT do a happily-ever-after-eventhoughweallknowit'simpossible. :P
As for Murry House, I'm already hooked and can't wait for more! :)
3Kadekksysaw. all done :( kinda abrupt, too. oh wells... BTW, major kudos points for NOT going with the cliched ending! hooray! But seriously, I'm way impressed cause I feel like most authors wouldn't have the guts to NOT do a happily-ever-after-eventhoughweallknowit'simpossible. :P
As for Murry House, I'm already hooked and can't wait for more! :)
12/15/2008 c1 1Alicia Davis
heya! loved the story! you could go on a little more with Camilias's brother trenton ? wouldn't he want revenge or something.. i would be ticked if someone killed my sister.. even if she was acting stupid. but if you don;t want to that coolieo! absolutly loved the story!
1Alicia Davisheya! loved the story! you could go on a little more with Camilias's brother trenton ? wouldn't he want revenge or something.. i would be ticked if someone killed my sister.. even if she was acting stupid. but if you don;t want to that coolieo! absolutly loved the story!
12/5/2008 c14 Alicia Davis
hey, love the story, great plot and characters! this has become a story I check everyday! Update! please! =]
hey, love the story, great plot and characters! this has become a story I check everyday! Update! please! =]
12/4/2008 c14 5degrees-of-rambling
wow...i always thought Nicolas and Elsandra would be a good match... despite the undead-ness... goddamn twilight fan friends are invading my mind...
5degrees-of-ramblingwow...i always thought Nicolas and Elsandra would be a good match... despite the undead-ness... goddamn twilight fan friends are invading my mind...
12/2/2008 c14 3Kadekksys
yours is one that I've often contemplated taking off my updates list but never do... I'm so happy that you updated. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have a strong ending! The whole story up until this point has been wonderful and I'd hate for it to just be rushed. Anyways, loved the cliffie ending, too. way to be ;)
3Kadekksysyours is one that I've often contemplated taking off my updates list but never do... I'm so happy that you updated. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have a strong ending! The whole story up until this point has been wonderful and I'd hate for it to just be rushed. Anyways, loved the cliffie ending, too. way to be ;)
6/14/2008 c13 2Kittydog Lover
I love love this story so far. Can't believe that it is almost done. =^( oh well... Stories can't go on forever, no matter how much you want it to. Anywho... GREAT Chapter! Please Update SOON!
2Kittydog LoverI love love this story so far. Can't believe that it is almost done. =^( oh well... Stories can't go on forever, no matter how much you want it to. Anywho... GREAT Chapter! Please Update SOON!
6/7/2008 c1 11jellybeancurd
Hey! Good story so far! Update soon. I take it that you're a tamora pierce fan too=)
11jellybeancurdHey! Good story so far! Update soon. I take it that you're a tamora pierce fan too=)
3/24/2008 c13 3Kadekksys
YAY! :D
And god update, too. I thought Rhys was the one that was interested in her, though? Is my memory off? And I look forward to the showdown between Camilia and everyone else. :)
3KadekksysYAY! :D
And god update, too. I thought Rhys was the one that was interested in her, though? Is my memory off? And I look forward to the showdown between Camilia and everyone else. :)
3/20/2008 c12 2Celebros
Wow... This story is amazing! I can't believe I'm reading it on the internet and not buying it in a bookstore. Just... wow...
Absolutely love the setting; it's actually very believable, and the sort of Victorian scene just totally completes the whole vampire scoiety. I love Elsandra; you've done a fabulous job of keeping her real. There's such a great balance between her "girly" side and her tough side. Usually, you read stories where it's one or the other, but you have made a character that has it all. In fact, all of your characters are well-rounded and so compelling. And your style is just so inviting to read. Really, this is great stuff.
The only thing I was a bit hesitant on was the part where Elsandra is confused that Camilla would want to attack her. It seemed to me that random vampires wanting to kill her would be something that she's used to, being so high ranked and all. But really, that was the only thing I thought was off. The rest was absolutely fantastic!
2CelebrosWow... This story is amazing! I can't believe I'm reading it on the internet and not buying it in a bookstore. Just... wow...
Absolutely love the setting; it's actually very believable, and the sort of Victorian scene just totally completes the whole vampire scoiety. I love Elsandra; you've done a fabulous job of keeping her real. There's such a great balance between her "girly" side and her tough side. Usually, you read stories where it's one or the other, but you have made a character that has it all. In fact, all of your characters are well-rounded and so compelling. And your style is just so inviting to read. Really, this is great stuff.
The only thing I was a bit hesitant on was the part where Elsandra is confused that Camilla would want to attack her. It seemed to me that random vampires wanting to kill her would be something that she's used to, being so high ranked and all. But really, that was the only thing I thought was off. The rest was absolutely fantastic!