for Lifeblood12/29/2006 c1 
1Loriency
wonderful start of a story! it starts off strong, weakens a little bit throughout, but ends strongly and at a good cliffhanger point. Congrats! I daresay that this is one of your best stories ever. The idea flows, the characters... that's the problem. The characters aren't...alive. Lord Borieal and the Father sound very alike, though Elsandra is more distinct. You need more detail...not detail, but...energy. There needs to be something that brings it to live, turns it from 2D to 3D. And you can do it, i know you can. Just...imagine that it's a movie in your head and write down everything you see, from the characters tone of voice to their slight movements to the coloring to the chill in the air to the slight breeze ruffling their hairs. If you do that...you'll have one hell of a story on your hands. Otherwise, aside from the bit of grammar, it's very well done. Congrats again! lol.
-Abby
1Loriencywonderful start of a story! it starts off strong, weakens a little bit throughout, but ends strongly and at a good cliffhanger point. Congrats! I daresay that this is one of your best stories ever. The idea flows, the characters... that's the problem. The characters aren't...alive. Lord Borieal and the Father sound very alike, though Elsandra is more distinct. You need more detail...not detail, but...energy. There needs to be something that brings it to live, turns it from 2D to 3D. And you can do it, i know you can. Just...imagine that it's a movie in your head and write down everything you see, from the characters tone of voice to their slight movements to the coloring to the chill in the air to the slight breeze ruffling their hairs. If you do that...you'll have one hell of a story on your hands. Otherwise, aside from the bit of grammar, it's very well done. Congrats again! lol.
-Abby
12/29/2006 c1 3burnedtoast
Loved it. Really exciting premise and vivid character details. Can't wait for more!
3burnedtoastLoved it. Really exciting premise and vivid character details. Can't wait for more!
12/29/2006 c1 1it's julia
Ooh. I'm really loving this story so far. You ended the chapter at a great spot, I'm on the edge of my seat. Update soon.
-J.
1it's juliaOoh. I'm really loving this story so far. You ended the chapter at a great spot, I'm on the edge of my seat. Update soon.
-J.
12/28/2006 c1 1WriteKindOfLove
Very good, enchanting style, and very interesting plotline, hopefully it won't turn out to be a simple Stockholm Syndrome romance but I somehow don't think it will, update soon!
1WriteKindOfLoveVery good, enchanting style, and very interesting plotline, hopefully it won't turn out to be a simple Stockholm Syndrome romance but I somehow don't think it will, update soon!