for Cedar Heights9/11/2010 c6 
12DiamondEyedDog
This story is great. I'm sorry to see that it's incomplete but I'll def keep reading, and if you ever circle back, I'll be here waiting!
12DiamondEyedDogThis story is great. I'm sorry to see that it's incomplete but I'll def keep reading, and if you ever circle back, I'll be here waiting!
2/5/2008 c5 Ari
Good chapter!
Great imagery! I shuddered and fought back vomit as I peeled my shoe off of the sticky floor and took a seat.
I’m seriously repulsed by him. Good character details! Ugh Big Dipper disgusts me.
**The (remarks in the quotations) s take me out of the story. I feel like they are either directed to another audience, or it can be stated in the beginning of the chapter that Mile’s has a tendency to use stereotypes that way (these) aren’t necessary.
The gym scene was very realistic to high school gym. It was interesting to see gym from another point of view.
I LOVED this part:
Maybe we could even go all the way. I mean, after we’d dated for a couple months or something. But that would mean buying condoms. And that would mean humiliation. Maybe Jadon had some. Already I was jumping way ahead of myself—she didn’t even know who I was. I would have to introduce myself if I even wanted the hand job. Ever since Christy Hernandez, when I’m not thinking about D&D or Lord of the Rings, I’m thinking about sex.
Very realistic! I’ve found myself doing this before. Lol. I was forced to laugh at this.
Great Chapter! Can't wait to read more! Keep it comin'! KEEP IT COMIN'!
Good chapter!
Great imagery! I shuddered and fought back vomit as I peeled my shoe off of the sticky floor and took a seat.
I’m seriously repulsed by him. Good character details! Ugh Big Dipper disgusts me.
**The (remarks in the quotations) s take me out of the story. I feel like they are either directed to another audience, or it can be stated in the beginning of the chapter that Mile’s has a tendency to use stereotypes that way (these) aren’t necessary.
The gym scene was very realistic to high school gym. It was interesting to see gym from another point of view.
I LOVED this part:
Maybe we could even go all the way. I mean, after we’d dated for a couple months or something. But that would mean buying condoms. And that would mean humiliation. Maybe Jadon had some. Already I was jumping way ahead of myself—she didn’t even know who I was. I would have to introduce myself if I even wanted the hand job. Ever since Christy Hernandez, when I’m not thinking about D&D or Lord of the Rings, I’m thinking about sex.
Very realistic! I’ve found myself doing this before. Lol. I was forced to laugh at this.
Great Chapter! Can't wait to read more! Keep it comin'! KEEP IT COMIN'!
1/27/2008 c15 iman1234
its really good and about time u updated and really i only care about xavier and
its really good and about time u updated and really i only care about xavier and
1/25/2008 c15 4Mechanical Dolls
You forgot the question about Martin. Hehe. Is he a drug dealer? I have a sneaking suspicion he is.
Anyway, I love this story. I also love how Martin seems to be a linking factor in all three of their lives. Update soon!
-MD
4Mechanical DollsYou forgot the question about Martin. Hehe. Is he a drug dealer? I have a sneaking suspicion he is.
Anyway, I love this story. I also love how Martin seems to be a linking factor in all three of their lives. Update soon!
-MD
12/11/2007 c14 61Spoocial Slim
Whoa, it seriously has been a while since the last update! Not that I should really be talking...
Ah I like it but I'm scared for Miles... coz that kinda thinking never works out. And I'm sad coz I kinda like Jeremiah. He's a cool dude. Still, it's nice that Miles is good at something cool. Haha.
And man, bad timing by Nate, there, ohw disappointing. Maybe next Miles chapter, eh? ;)
Oh! And i didnt really notice any typos or anything but I think im getting too into the story to notice them. Haha. :)
-Slim
61Spoocial SlimWhoa, it seriously has been a while since the last update! Not that I should really be talking...
Ah I like it but I'm scared for Miles... coz that kinda thinking never works out. And I'm sad coz I kinda like Jeremiah. He's a cool dude. Still, it's nice that Miles is good at something cool. Haha.
And man, bad timing by Nate, there, ohw disappointing. Maybe next Miles chapter, eh? ;)
Oh! And i didnt really notice any typos or anything but I think im getting too into the story to notice them. Haha. :)
-Slim
10/16/2007 c10 thornsxinxyourxside
I really like it so far =] The only thing that's a little off is some of the drug terminology but then again, you're talking about west coast versus east coast. You mentioned snorting heroine, can be done but that's a lot harder to find and a LOT more expensive and just doesn't seem like what someone who's new to the scene would be doing. You don't take hits of coke, you just take a line, that's all it is =] hits is acid.
But besides those minor little things, I LOVE IT, and now I'm off to the next chapter, I love your characters =] Except for Xavier.. I don't like him for some reason .
I really like it so far =] The only thing that's a little off is some of the drug terminology but then again, you're talking about west coast versus east coast. You mentioned snorting heroine, can be done but that's a lot harder to find and a LOT more expensive and just doesn't seem like what someone who's new to the scene would be doing. You don't take hits of coke, you just take a line, that's all it is =] hits is acid.
But besides those minor little things, I LOVE IT, and now I'm off to the next chapter, I love your characters =] Except for Xavier.. I don't like him for some reason .
8/26/2007 c13 LDNLad
Just caught up with the latested chapter - wow!
I'd kill to see this turned into a TV series or something and shown on screen! Very realistic and nothing short of awesome.
Most excellent work.
Just caught up with the latested chapter - wow!
I'd kill to see this turned into a TV series or something and shown on screen! Very realistic and nothing short of awesome.
Most excellent work.
7/31/2007 c12 61Spoocial Slim
Ah i love the making waves metaphor at the start! That made me laugh.
I'm curious to know what her parents were arguing about there! It was a very brief glimpse!
The banter between Olivia and Lia was cool. Lia's so funny. And Olivia is just nasty. I wanna know more bout this mysterious man in black. Haha.
'"It is crunk in here!”' -I read that and was like, 'huh?' I have to admit, I've never heard that expression before.
Here's a few bits i noticed...
"and he made eye contact with me over his shoulder." - Over /her/ shoulder, maybe?
"You should get away with them while you can..." -With them? Or from them?
Um yeah, that's about it. I wasn't as into Meadow in this chapter as in others coz it's kind of harsh of her to be plotting to steal Xavier away. Even if his gf is a crazy bitch. And i reckon Jeremy's cool. Maybe Lia does too...? That's my suspicions... I'm going to have to re-read it, i think. While I'm waiting for Jadon's take on the party... omg I'm so excited. Update again soon! Please? :)
-Slim
61Spoocial SlimAh i love the making waves metaphor at the start! That made me laugh.
I'm curious to know what her parents were arguing about there! It was a very brief glimpse!
The banter between Olivia and Lia was cool. Lia's so funny. And Olivia is just nasty. I wanna know more bout this mysterious man in black. Haha.
'"It is crunk in here!”' -I read that and was like, 'huh?' I have to admit, I've never heard that expression before.
Here's a few bits i noticed...
"and he made eye contact with me over his shoulder." - Over /her/ shoulder, maybe?
"You should get away with them while you can..." -With them? Or from them?
Um yeah, that's about it. I wasn't as into Meadow in this chapter as in others coz it's kind of harsh of her to be plotting to steal Xavier away. Even if his gf is a crazy bitch. And i reckon Jeremy's cool. Maybe Lia does too...? That's my suspicions... I'm going to have to re-read it, i think. While I'm waiting for Jadon's take on the party... omg I'm so excited. Update again soon! Please? :)
-Slim
7/11/2007 c2 16Enigmatic Night
Hahaha.. I usually wait until the latest (after reviewing the initial chap) update but I had to comment on this chapter.
Meadow has a pretty distinct voice and I like that, I especially liked how you had her and Xavier meet. That was pretty well done, there were a few grammar errors and typos but everyones guilty of typos so meh.
One qualm I had with this was how quickly she transformed... yeah yeah I know, new and reinventing herself... but maybe I'm just being nitpicky... yeah that's probably it.
Hmm.. Xaview moves pretty quickly now doesn't he? That erm ending.. haha bad porno film alright. What kind og guy ahem rubs himself like that and says he does indeed have something to show a girl? That part actually made me laugh.. which is what you were going for right?
Kudos for that. Alright.. I better nip this long review in the bud.
16Enigmatic NightHahaha.. I usually wait until the latest (after reviewing the initial chap) update but I had to comment on this chapter.
Meadow has a pretty distinct voice and I like that, I especially liked how you had her and Xavier meet. That was pretty well done, there were a few grammar errors and typos but everyones guilty of typos so meh.
One qualm I had with this was how quickly she transformed... yeah yeah I know, new and reinventing herself... but maybe I'm just being nitpicky... yeah that's probably it.
Hmm.. Xaview moves pretty quickly now doesn't he? That erm ending.. haha bad porno film alright. What kind og guy ahem rubs himself like that and says he does indeed have something to show a girl? That part actually made me laugh.. which is what you were going for right?
Kudos for that. Alright.. I better nip this long review in the bud.
7/11/2007 c1 Enigmatic Night
Interesting, this is a good way of setting up a story.
I like that already we have a picture of the sort of mental state (although not too much is given away) your lead character's in... and how we're starting the story on a negative (albeit the attempt at optimism) point.
Let's hope that when whatever it is she's running from doesn't bite her in the ass too badly.
Interesting, this is a good way of setting up a story.
I like that already we have a picture of the sort of mental state (although not too much is given away) your lead character's in... and how we're starting the story on a negative (albeit the attempt at optimism) point.
Let's hope that when whatever it is she's running from doesn't bite her in the ass too badly.
7/9/2007 c7 LDNLad
Wow! This is the first story of someone else's that I've read, and I'm really glad I did! The characters are great and the plot(s) are just awesome.
Excellent job, dude! ^_^
Wow! This is the first story of someone else's that I've read, and I'm really glad I did! The characters are great and the plot(s) are just awesome.
Excellent job, dude! ^_^
6/9/2007 c11 61Spoocial Slim
Ah so quick this time! Very exciting stuff! I haven't had a chance to read it til today though, how sad. Anyhoo!
The bits i noticed:
...'shut your trap!” Dissento said ordered' - I wasn't sure if you meant to put ordered /instead/ of said...
...'so quick jumping down my throat.”' -Maybe quick should be quit?
'At that moment, a sudden unfamiliar feeling came over me. I wanted to win. I had to win. It was like I’d die if we lost.' -This bit was repeated about 2 paragraphs later...
'I mean, it was obvious football wasn’t your strong point, and to be honest, I pretty much thought you sucked at life.' - Okay so this part just cracked me up. Haha. That coach is so harsh!
Ah i like Jeremiah but I hope he doesn't start being a jerk to Miles for this! It's good that Miles is joining the team, as long as it doesn't make him an arrogant prick like the other boys, that's all... I liked this chapter a lot. Though its a little hard to keep track of who's who when there's so many!
Looking forward to the next one! :)
-Slim
61Spoocial SlimAh so quick this time! Very exciting stuff! I haven't had a chance to read it til today though, how sad. Anyhoo!
The bits i noticed:
...'shut your trap!” Dissento said ordered' - I wasn't sure if you meant to put ordered /instead/ of said...
...'so quick jumping down my throat.”' -Maybe quick should be quit?
'At that moment, a sudden unfamiliar feeling came over me. I wanted to win. I had to win. It was like I’d die if we lost.' -This bit was repeated about 2 paragraphs later...
'I mean, it was obvious football wasn’t your strong point, and to be honest, I pretty much thought you sucked at life.' - Okay so this part just cracked me up. Haha. That coach is so harsh!
Ah i like Jeremiah but I hope he doesn't start being a jerk to Miles for this! It's good that Miles is joining the team, as long as it doesn't make him an arrogant prick like the other boys, that's all... I liked this chapter a lot. Though its a little hard to keep track of who's who when there's so many!
Looking forward to the next one! :)
-Slim
6/6/2007 c11 2LachelleMarie
Hahha yah for updating! I do have to say I like Miles but still Jadon is my favorite character. I think it has to do with his complicated dynamic and the simple fact that he is just so torn up that you want to hear more about him. Have you ever thought about doing a back story on the events that took place with him before that made him the way he is? Oh and I would just like to point out that your stories are way under rated. They are really good and you don't get enough reviews while there are these other stories, that well.. they suck and they get tons of them. Honestly it doesn't make any sense.
2LachelleMarieHahha yah for updating! I do have to say I like Miles but still Jadon is my favorite character. I think it has to do with his complicated dynamic and the simple fact that he is just so torn up that you want to hear more about him. Have you ever thought about doing a back story on the events that took place with him before that made him the way he is? Oh and I would just like to point out that your stories are way under rated. They are really good and you don't get enough reviews while there are these other stories, that well.. they suck and they get tons of them. Honestly it doesn't make any sense.