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4/18/2018 c2 Syntaxis
Hey, so I don't normally review, but I felt the need to type on up for this chapter, if only to address one particular issue...

I know this story was written years ago, and I have no idea if you visit FictionPress anymore, but it's quite clear to me that the separation between Vin and yourself is very slim. At least when you wrote this. Saying that, I truly hope you've grown up a bit as a person since then. Reading this story, I was slightly put off by Vin's generic complaints about the struggle of being a writer, wanting fame, etc. etc. However, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how he developed. But when he called Aya a cunt and then later proceeded to go on about his "chivalry" and being a "nice guy," I literally cringed. I could practically feel the weight of his fedora. A truly nice guy doesn't call women cunts and CERTAINLY doesn't go "heh" when imagining said woman as a rape victim. Let's forget about Aya's random appearance in Vin's apartment for a moment, because the whole situation is blatant wish fulfillment. From the moment Vin saw her, he felt entitled to her affection. It's why he believed her. And when Aya revealed that she was kidding (which, come on, was obvious and kind of hilarious to mess with the lonely writer who thinks he's SUCH a nice guy), Vin calls her a cunt. Because all women who don't love him despite his obvious "chivalry" are cunts, right?

My only hope at this point is that somehow this issue is the point of the story, and we see Vin transform from a "nice guy" to an actually nice guy. Because, dude, let's get one thing straight: nice guys don't finish last. It's just that the people who say that aren't really good guys. They're assholes who think being nice to women should earn them some kind of reward. They don't actually respect women or care about anything other than their own pleasure. And then they wonder why they're alone. These are the same people who complain about the "friend zone." Vin is one of these people. Of course, if the story goes on to prove me wrong and turn into a thoughtful examination of the "nice guy" syndrome, then I'll retract all complaints. But, that said, you haven't given me a reason to think this will be anything other than yet another author self insert wish fulfillment fantasy focused on giving our dickish protagonist a perfect, cute, and loyal girl to love him unconditionally.

Hundred bucks says Aya is a manic pixie dream girl who exists only to serve as Vin's romantic salvation without having true goals or motivations of her own.

Peace out, man. I really hope I'm wrong about this story. You'll be the first to know.
11/14/2012 c41 Blueberry Lee
Sugoiiiiiii! Oh my globb! Please tell me that's gonna be an anime movie soon?! It's so deserving. You better be getting paid for that story mehn, I especially love the cliff-hanger ending! I prefer those to happy endings, so you definitely have my vote in any case! Keep up the splendid writing you do, I hope you'll be widely recognized for it one day if you aren't already. :D
5/28/2011 c41 6Van Quatra
wow this was a really great story, this is one of the greatest ones i have read so far. great blasted job.
3/19/2011 c41 Youraveragereader
One of the best stories I have ever read.

Thank you for creating this story, I had a wonderful time reading it.

So far, of all the stories I have read, this story seems the most original and well written.
2/3/2009 c41 1Mestophilies
It's difficult to know what to say after reading this story. One feels alternately joyful, sad, frustrated, curious, hopeful, all such feelings while reading each and every chapter, each emotion powerful and singularly profound. By the ending, all those feelings, as well as an irretrievable sense of loss and disbelief at the resolution of the mysteries, the disappearances, the different characters, leave one feeling numb. Not numb in the sense of shock or the dulling of senses, but rather the return of the mundane day-to-day feelings after the emotional carnival of the journey.

It is difficult to say if one ends the story with a absolutely positive emotion. Having sympathised, empathised and almost become a part of such a colourful host of characters, for one to discover that they were, ironically seeing as this is but a story, simply players upon a stage of words is quite disconcerting. Having seen them disappear one by one, and having felt the disbeliefs, the fears, the joys, and the passions of each individual, which is what they become in the reader’s mind, one feels at a loss to express what could be said to be grief at the reality of their unreality by the final chapter.

Yet the truth behind the characters is equally significant to the reader, if not one that prompts contemplation and a profound sense of grief at the return to reality, which is in self powerful enough for the reader to wish it were possible to reject reality for the reality that you have crafted with your words. This feeling makes one wish that the story had not ended as it did, but rather that reality bend to the reality of the dream at that these character each receive the idyllic happily-ever-after. Through your rejection of the ideal, you cause the reader to question, to ask the wherefores and whys of the world. How often have we ourselves wished for dreams to remain as tangible as the world in which we live? How real is reality? Is one the dreamer or merely part of someone else’s dream? These are but a few questions that one asks oneself by the conclusion of the story.

Is this not, perhaps, the true goal of writing a story of this type? To provoke thought and contemplation in its readers? If so, and one cannot refute it, you as an author has succeeded at every turn, having not only drawn the reader into a completely different reality that is made believable through a powerful use of language, but also having created true individuals, rather than stage characters, through which thought and contemplation, through the reader’s sympathy and empathy, may be conveyed and understood. In this sense you are undoubtedly an author of the first class.

Brilliantly thought out, and powerful in the feelings it invokes, I as a reader do nothing other than applaud you whole-heartedly for this story.

Mestophilies
10/1/2007 c1 2L A Y A H. R
OMG! Good story!

^-^
8/29/2007 c41 Noc and NC
When it is time to write my final words to an author, I can't ever think of the proper things to say. "Great story!" and "I loved it!" never seem to fit what I'm feeling.

It's similar to how I can never find the right emoticon to describe my feelings on MSN.

There's a sort of emptiness in me right now, but even that doesn't sound right. I think I feel as though all the excitement and joy, irritation and anger, happiness and sadness built up in my mind from reading this story has been rolled up into a calm little ball and put into the back of my mind, maybe.

It's a very complete sensation, where I'm not upset that there isn't any more to read. I'm sure that if the story was to be stretched out any further, it would have been ruined. You did a splendid job with writing this, from beginning to end, and it always inspires me to see a work finished. It can be done, and I then think I want to do my very best to achieve completion as well.

In my final year of high school that is soon to start, and the years after that, I will strive to be as great a writer as you, with all of your wonderful wit and flow and powerful emotions laced into a perfect cast of characters.

Congratulations on finishing "The Dream of Reality"! I couldn't have found a better 'book' to read over my summer holiday!
8/25/2007 c40 9Snip2r
Bravo, Dream of Reality indeed. I had mixed feeling about this story, I think it was due to the sadness and despair that appeared so unexpectedly, but because of that, the story has a lot more impact.

Fictional character are as real as we are. It's a concept that is hard to wrap your fingers around, but then again so is the concept of reality itself.

The ending itself was unpredictable, and is a good ending. A lot of people here on fictionpress just continue writing until they can't continue and then end it rather abruptly, and some people think that's the way to write. But I believe that an ending is extremely important, and is the one thing that makes a good story great. And this story is a great story.

As Mimi said, I really liked your story; it was funny, sad, dramatic and cute. I'm glad to have read through this story... though there is one thing I must complain about...REMI TOPS AYA! Hah... it's just personal opinion I guess. After all, this is your story, your Dream of Reality, that now have become real.

Your Fan

Emir Habir (aka Snip2r)

PS: Sorry for the long review
8/25/2007 c7 5anti-climax
Nice interactions between all the characters here. Tim, Vin, Aya and Remi... all of them seem to gel well together.

For a dialogue driven story, you have certainly done very well in making all the conversations believable and coherent :)

Remi living with the comfy duo... hm...
8/24/2007 c38 Noc and NC
Has...Has Remi died? Or has she unwillingly gone to the dark side in exchange for some more time?

Oh, so many twists and turns. You could be a new CLAMP, you know?

I early await the next chapter as I continue to mourn for Ivan.
8/24/2007 c34 Noc and NC
NO! How could this happen! NOT AGAIN. Am I cursed! My- my favorite character has died for what feels like the millionth time!

IVVAN!

OH, This is almost as bad as when Rikash was killed in the fourth Immortals book! GGYYAH!

But I'll forgive you! I'LL FORGIVE YOU, because I'm sure, HE DIED FIGHTING BRAVELY.

...JUST like Rikash in the fourth Immortals book! Oh my, it's a sign. I don't know what it's a sign of, but I'm sure it is one. Perhaps, that this story will end on a happy note as the book I mentioned did...? Maybe.

I really dislike Clair. She gives off far too many harem vibes and makes me think of that ridiculously large breasted woman from Puni Puni Poemi, which is ridiculous in itself and is supposed to be like that so she can get away with it- but CLAIR has no excuse other then that she was born that way. Er...

I can imagine how she feels, though. Probably like how Filia from Slayers Try was terribly torn and confused when she found out her supposing holy race had committed genocide.

I'm making FAR to many references in this review. My broken heart shall mend itself, and I will continue reading to find out the mystery of the group amnesia.
8/24/2007 c32 Noc and NC
Mr. Buttons.

Mr. Buttons.

Dear lord, you are GOD. YES, that's so freaking great. how do you come up with this stuff? Oh, it's tasty. On another topic, I have to stop walking away from stories for extensive periods of time, I have so much to catch up on if I do.

Looking at another thing, BRANDY is GONE, Tim doesn't REMEMBER her, NOR the call- Aya doesn't remember things, even ol' Vinny's forgetting stuff... Remi's the only one who seems to be okay. I guess that's because she neutral... like Sweden. Taking a stab at guessing whats really going on... maybe all the people are characters in a story, and Vin is the unknowing 'god'? ...Oh, I don't know, you keep on surprising me, you!

-I- think Remi's neutral because she doesn't want to choose a side. Finds it to painful. but she will choose Vin in the end because she LOVES him and he is the MAIN CHARACTER.

...Or maybe not.

Good chapter, I shall read on!

...MR. BUTTONS! XD!
8/19/2007 c39 Kojaq
Ahh, its not a bad as you thought it was. It was pretty good, but from the shortness and "Wham, Bam, Thank Ma'am" quickie style of sexual descriptions, it seems like you don't do many sex scenes in your stories...That isn't a bad thing.

I would've liked to see more gentle foreplay and descriptive emotions (i.e., kissing the shoulders, neck, gentle massaging of the hand, feelings at touches, kisses, metaphors, etc.) instead of him going from kissing to under the shirt in a matter of seconds. This isn't sex, its making love. It is the ulitmate act of passion for a couple and should be treated as such. Not only that but Aya is ashamed of her body, and while words are great, actions are far better, mix the two and it makes a beautiful scene. One where people don't think "Ooh Lemon" and see it for what it truly is, the souls of two lovers melting in each others love.

*

For example:

“I don’t know if I can…” she whispered. I kissed again and eased her back onto the bed. She stared at me with worry, glinting with tears. In return, my eyes conveyed a sense of compassion and love that was expressed as I trailed kisses from chin to cheek to lips, my hands sliding gently to the side of her neck. The electricity of the moment eveloping me as our tounges danced in each others mouth. The free hand sliding to her waist, my fingers playfully and teasingly dancing on her abs under her shirt. Her skin was so smooth, so soft, and so beautiful only raising my want for the act of intimacy.

*

See? This is already getting quite hot (and its only kissing!), and yet still conveys the true love of these two. Extend this approach to every paragraph and it might actually take away from the "Wham-Bam" sex feel to a more sensual and intimate type of intercourse.
8/6/2007 c1 Kojaq
Edit to my Ch. 36 Review: ...at least one of the two...
8/6/2007 c36 Kojaq
Ahh. I sorta feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, at least of the two, has admitted her love for Vin. Lucky guy he is. This one is quite the cliche-tear-jerkin-love-mushy-revalation-of-something-that's-already-known-to-the-audiance-type-thing, sweet. I'm sorta of tradionalist in that respect, if your going to make a drama filled love confession, make that reader cry their heart out. It's my old school romantic side coming out. Oddly enough, I usually like reading love confessions, then actually writing them, but I'll write them from time to time also.

Question:

"..Even though her tears dripped onto her covers, she continued, interrupted. ..." What action are you trying to convey here? Throwing interrupted in there when, to me, it is unnecessary confuses me.
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