3/15/2008 c25 24DancingChaChaFruit
Hello, mon ami! Okay, so after reading this chapter I thought about it a lot between then and clicking on the "Go" button to submit a review. (I actually do that a lot. I formulate in my mind what I want to say in a review before leaving it. I think it makes them more coherent than leaving one just after I finish the chapter.) So here's what I was thinking.

I think your biggest strength in this story is your creation of such realistic characters. Seriously, Daphne is such an ordinary, typical teenager, and so are all her friends. I feel as though there may be a number of Daphnes chilling in my high school. I actually think I'm like Daphne in the sense that I also sit on my butt waiting for my fairy godmother to come fix everything-and she's not going to come. (This sounds cheesy, but I had a revelation of sorts when Dr. Shulz told that to Daphne. You've got skill, my friend.) You've really seemed to capture the essence of . . . human and concentrate it in this one story. It's really all very realistic. You should be proud. =)

Another thing I wanted to say is that you've improved dramatically since the beginning of the story. Your writing has come a long way since the first chapter.

The one real problem I can find is I think you've concentrated so much on characterizing Daphne and Sevin for us that a few of the others characters may have gotten lost in translation. We're finding out more about Zander, of course, but I think Flo and Jia aren't as fleshed out as they could be.

I was so proud of Daphne at the end when she dumped her iced coffe on Zander. He's such an asshole. I would have dumped my iced coffee on him too. I'm glad she decided to be proactive about that instead of just pretending not to hear him or something, which is what I would've actually done in real life. (Not dumped iced coffee. Though I might have wanted to.)

And umm. Speaking specifically, there were two phrases that I found slightly awkward. I don't remember the second, but this is the first:

"'Right,' he said, with a stoic tone that was forced."

Maybe you could rephrase "with forced stoicism" or "with a forced, stoic" tone . . .? They're just suggestions. But I think you rephrase that clause somehow.

I think you are doing a fantastic job with this story, and as soon as I'm done writing my review I'm going to add this story to my favorites list.

Keep it up! =D

3/14/2008 c25 8lunacy and literacy
soo...even though daphne and sevin didn't get together. and even though she didn't make up with flo or jia or anything, i still really liked this chapter. because it's a nice turning point. annd dumping coffee on zander was AMAZING. =] can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter! ..and hopefully things will only get better from here..hehe. hopefully. :crosses fingers:

3/14/2008 c25 9xemeraldeyesx
no way!

i LOVED this chapter!

i really didnt expect daphne and sevin to hook up just like that, i knew she wouldnt do it

but still, its kind of sad :(

though calling zander a whore TOTALLY made up for it!

3/13/2008 c25 2Miraculous.Science
Flo and Jia need to be coming out of the bathroom or something when she says all that to Zander. And Flo will begin to forgive her. it might be too quick though.

Anyway, love it! Daphne is stupid by the way. To give up Sevin like that. Really dumb. jk. update soon!

3/13/2008 c25 2mia5081
Aw, I feel so bad for Sevin. I mean, he basically gave her his heart and she stomped all over it. But I especially liked the last scene-that may be the first time that we've actually seen Daphne take a stand rather than just whine/scuttle away from confrontation. Loved it =)

Update soon!

~Mia

3/13/2008 c25 1Twinkle Star Bell
I like it and I like how it is kind of explaine why Daphne is acting the way she is. She's been too absorbed in a fairytale world and needs to get out. I really like this chapter and hope that things start getting better because this is getting me down that it's a hate fest at Daphne.

3/13/2008 c25 1noriepie
you've called a fictional guy a whore

so you still have to work your way up to a real human boy flesh

this chapter was so perfect

because i think i've been doing kind of the same thing she has

and i was tired, and angry and frustrated

and i have my exams too so its good to have all those expletives and anger in this chapter

it's what i wanted to do