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for Presence

1/25/2007 c1 32eldrin
I like this. The final repetition of 'alone' is very sense-striking and echoes the phrase 'stark and alone.'

I don't think that 'I feel' works very well here. This line opening rarely works in poems and I usually suggest that it be avoided - you're coming out of the the sight/feel that the reader actually joins you in and -knows- to a mere description that we can't feel for ourselves.

Delightful, brief phrasing. Nice work.

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