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for Best Friends means you Pull the Trigger

1/7/2007 c1 3la-vita-bella
I'm actually a bit surprised by the fact that I liked this... Not in any offensive way, though! Haha, I mean, it just doesn't seem like a story I'd be into. But I actually liked it. It was elegant in its simplicity. You just...told the story, which for some authors doesn't work, but it did here. For instance, there was little description, but I still got a picture. I don't know if your amazing or not, if that makes any sense. Either you're great in the way that you form a story by telling and not showing (a very hard trait), or your not that great in the way that you tell, not show, and I'm just crazy. But I really did receive a picture. And your characters are well developed (the mother character was not cliche, which they sometimes are, Gerald was adorable), your sentences, although sometimes odd, work. You went into things that needed to be elaborated, but stayed out of things that didn't. You delved into his mother and him, but didn't go crazy with how Gerald and Michael grew apart. Great. Because, people grow apart. It happens all the time. Why go into it? So good job. :D But grammar. This story would be absolutely perfect if you'd just get your grammar checked. It's almost as if you've mastered the hard, professional things before the basics. xD Fallow? Follow. TENDED to forget about him. Commas are needed in places, sentences are awkward (although some of them work), and there are words that shouldn't be used. I'd suggest just getting a betta tester: someone who reads your story through e-mail or just through a draft and corrects it.

But other than that, this was...really good. It's...a masterpiece of oddities, you know? Up close, nothing quite fits, but away, it comes together to form a masterpiece. Like I said, you've nailed the hard stuff, but you need to look at the basics.

Really, really liked the begining. Please do continue. :D
1/6/2007 c1 Hannibal King
Its a pretty good story, I liked the child like innocence portrayed at the beginning.
1/6/2007 c1 SerialXLain
Haha I've been reading your journal and had to check this out.

I love Gerald... Poor kid.

I felt near tears while reading this... I think it's the growing up and the sort of growing apart kind of thing that did it.

xo
1/6/2007 c1 21princess max
I just burned breakfast reading this! It's really good, really sucks the reader in. Normally I take a few chapters to be sucked into a story, but this did it right away.
1/5/2007 c1 10CaFFy
Nice start. =]
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