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for Adrenaline

1/14/2007 c1 arcane devices
First off, when I read the summary of this piece... it was surely eye-popping. I haven't seen poetry as promising as this when I read it in the summary. However, I was slightly let down when I got into the actual contents of the piece. Let me elaborate on this - first off, i felt that the rhythm of this piece was too incoherent. Actually, it wasn't that bad... but the way you formatted it made it seem all the more awkward. Next problem, I felt that the last four lines in this piece was unnecessary... seeing as how you already make it clear that adrenaline is coursing through your veins. Although if it was your intention to give off the image that this rushing, surge of strength is only temporary then I can't really advocate against that. Lastly, (particularly with the lines "I do things I thought that I could never do, I feel things thought impossible to feel,") I strongly felt that you should have elaborated on the things or feelings that would have been "impossible" to do/feel. I believe that if you had done so... this piece in general would have been regarded in a much higher manner and it would have greatly helped with the poetic appeal. You are what you feel and create... and things like "impossible to feel" does not exist in the poet's perspective. Now - on with the praises. The line(s) that appealed to me the most were "Blood coursing through my veins, I stand alone." Those lines offer depth, and syntax to your poetry, and not to mention that it's just a passionate line in general. I don't know how sincere this piece was to yourself, since only you and only you will ever know. But one thing that I immensely enjoyed and DO NOT want you to change is how RAW you intended this piece to be. I give ten on the effort simply because, as the audience... I felt that "adrenaline" coursing through. Please continue trying to create raw poetry like this. I believe that you show promise as a poet, and I will continue to check up on you every now and then. I leave, as a satisfied reader. - Arcane Devices
1/14/2007 c1 Ice and Snow
wah! fantastique! x] it's very...blunt, yet mixed in feeling. raw...definitely =]wonderful eh?

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