Just In
for Deadly Disease

9/7/2007 c1 27Liebe Dance
Good job on conveying Anorexia. Your rhyming was well done also; it didn't seem forced for the most part. You have a nice rhythem set up with your lies, almost iambic & trochaic. But it breaks at a couple parts, which I think is good because it emphasizes those lines "With my mirror" and the last stanza completely changes ryhythem. But, again, I think this is done in a good way because it really brings attention to those parts of the poem.

A couple phrases seemed a bit awkward. "I no longer chew" and "The consequence real,/Nothing left of me" seemed a bit odd. Maybe I'm going to contridict myself and say that here the rhyming may have been a bit forced. The ideas are good; definately keep those. The phrasing is just a bit off.

Nice poem!
1/24/2007 c1 97rust phoenix
This is a very sad poem, very well written. It's very intense and realistic, and it's nice that you wrote it with a purpose.
1/16/2007 c1 17Unique1952
Wow, I love how you made such a good poem out of such a serious topic and yes, it is a deadly disease. Again, good work with your writing.

MyssDream (Lil Dreamy Eyez)
1/12/2007 c1 8Sophia Victoria
Tell me about it. . . it is a crap DEADLY DISEASE. And I don't know why teens just wants it so much. . .

x/Hell Phoenix/x

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service