for but i'll hold you tight3/3/2007 c1 
1ConsistentlyxInconsistent
AW that was cute. The only problem I had was there were multiple capitilzation errors and one or two spelling errors. Other than that it was great!
1ConsistentlyxInconsistentAW that was cute. The only problem I had was there were multiple capitilzation errors and one or two spelling errors. Other than that it was great!
2/6/2007 c1 14kit feral
I like this. I don't like the format so much, only because I found it hard to focus on. But it kind of fit the spilling out of words.
"but I saw you the other day, as I always do, and you were the usual you." Love that line. It's holds nice simplicity.
"is it me who imagined the stars in your orbs, the smile with that little zest that makes your smile mean more than you think?" Ooh, that made me shiver. Makes your smile mean more than you think... great line.
"the way you have to lean down to listen to others talk because you’re tall for someone like you" And that's another great line, the kind I wish I'd written myself. Tall for someone like you... that really makes me think. I'm not sure what you mean by it but I know what I'd mean by it, which is really cool.
Overall, I like this a lot. The format was a bit off to me and the "gawd's" seemed a bit trivial, but I adored the last line and those three are going to be resounding in my head... yeah, I'd say it's just about beautiful. Nice work, keep it up.
Favs. :)
14kit feralI like this. I don't like the format so much, only because I found it hard to focus on. But it kind of fit the spilling out of words.
"but I saw you the other day, as I always do, and you were the usual you." Love that line. It's holds nice simplicity.
"is it me who imagined the stars in your orbs, the smile with that little zest that makes your smile mean more than you think?" Ooh, that made me shiver. Makes your smile mean more than you think... great line.
"the way you have to lean down to listen to others talk because you’re tall for someone like you" And that's another great line, the kind I wish I'd written myself. Tall for someone like you... that really makes me think. I'm not sure what you mean by it but I know what I'd mean by it, which is really cool.
Overall, I like this a lot. The format was a bit off to me and the "gawd's" seemed a bit trivial, but I adored the last line and those three are going to be resounding in my head... yeah, I'd say it's just about beautiful. Nice work, keep it up.
Favs. :)
1/15/2007 c1 14its.Nothing.Special
Oh. I Loved this.
Almost painful to read, but there was a beautiful, REAL quality to this that made me never want to stop.
Lovely use of repetition and detail; the things she noticed about this guy were really touchig. :D
Keep writing; you're very talented.
;)becky
14its.Nothing.SpecialOh. I Loved this.
Almost painful to read, but there was a beautiful, REAL quality to this that made me never want to stop.
Lovely use of repetition and detail; the things she noticed about this guy were really touchig. :D
Keep writing; you're very talented.
;)becky
1/13/2007 c1 36Monochrome Lovers
The formatting of this piece is awesome. The centered nature of the piece suggests fixation, while the lack of line breaks show a flow, or a stream of consciousness: the anxiety doesn't sound hectic or fast like I initially thought I would at the beginning of this, but it's more of a drunken slur, or the way people talk to the people they love in bed. It has a nice feel, despite its unrequited nature.
[as much as guessing scratches at my heart—I think it’s better than to know that I’ll never guess your feelings ever again—because as much as I don’t want to stand in corners and clench my jaws—wishing I could smile and be in sync with you] This excerpt was the most empathetic one I've read in a few days, now; it's really deep if the speaker is imagining the feelings of the other person, usually a lot of admiration or love goes as far as beauty or the things the person does, but not for the things they don't do, or the things that people don't see-this speaker seems very concerned with the more clandestine things.
I like that the speaker enjoys when the object of his/her affection is quiet and thinking.
[but special powers and reading minds have never been my thing—and anyway, I’ve never been good at so much as to smiling when I catch someone’s eye.] I feel this is modesty on the part of the speaker, instead of fact.
This was a good read.
Hopefully if you've got the time and the patience, you'll come by and read a poem or two off my collection-not more than a hundred words each; it would be awesome.
Rock on, AlmostTragic.
36Monochrome LoversThe formatting of this piece is awesome. The centered nature of the piece suggests fixation, while the lack of line breaks show a flow, or a stream of consciousness: the anxiety doesn't sound hectic or fast like I initially thought I would at the beginning of this, but it's more of a drunken slur, or the way people talk to the people they love in bed. It has a nice feel, despite its unrequited nature.
[as much as guessing scratches at my heart—I think it’s better than to know that I’ll never guess your feelings ever again—because as much as I don’t want to stand in corners and clench my jaws—wishing I could smile and be in sync with you] This excerpt was the most empathetic one I've read in a few days, now; it's really deep if the speaker is imagining the feelings of the other person, usually a lot of admiration or love goes as far as beauty or the things the person does, but not for the things they don't do, or the things that people don't see-this speaker seems very concerned with the more clandestine things.
I like that the speaker enjoys when the object of his/her affection is quiet and thinking.
[but special powers and reading minds have never been my thing—and anyway, I’ve never been good at so much as to smiling when I catch someone’s eye.] I feel this is modesty on the part of the speaker, instead of fact.
This was a good read.
Hopefully if you've got the time and the patience, you'll come by and read a poem or two off my collection-not more than a hundred words each; it would be awesome.
Rock on, AlmostTragic.