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1/14/2007 c1 2SaintZero182
That is so cool that you came up with that idea while walking your dog.

I don't think there is anything to change.I love it.
1/14/2007 c1 7SoSophia
Hey. WOW-man i love where this is going. 3am, the devils time? (at least i think, vaguely remember i convo with my mate about Jesus vs. Devil and certain significant times during the morning.

Anyway, i cant wait to see where this is headed. I really like the "but this time, she had a feeling this was going to be a very different ride" line, gives a great sense of adventure and suspence.

OKay now i few minor edits on my part.

"The desert at the time of night" okay now ive forgotten what i picked up about this line. but it sounds off.

2nd paragraph, "She began to wonder"-to "She hadn’t seen anyone." maybe explain a bit more on her line of thought.

"-there was a diploma with a name on it. The name was Heather Malone,-" maybe better as "-there was a diploma with a name on it. Heather Malone,-" or something simpler.

The last paragraph you used "she felt compelled" twice, maybe change the words around?

Cant wait for more! I'm so putting this story on alert!

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