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for Blood Demons: Rise of the Apocalypse

1/26/2007 c3 95Stewart MacDonald
Hmm. Why do I get the feling those sheep aren't going to turn up? Or if they do, they won't be moving/living much? Just a thought. Georgia is a very unique character rarely seen in this kind of story. A simple man with a big heart. I have a feeling he'll play a very important part in this tale.

Well, I'll be waiting for more, so whenever you feel inclined, update if you will. This is one of those stories I feel MUST continue.

1/18/2007 c3 9Alteng
Man, I hate dialect! This isn't anything wrong with you using it, and it seems proper. It is just me.

And what! No gore in this one. Oh well. Goergia seems like a good fellow. There is much to mull over in this chapter, and I wonder about the bit with Georgia looking down from the hill like God.

Just a curious thought, and something you could consider putting in this story. How did Georgia get a name like that. He has a rather feminine name for someone, who is very masculine. Did his folks want a girl, or they were just fond of the state. It works for me in a strange symbolic way though.
1/18/2007 c2 Alteng
This is indeed a messy story. I can see why Paul would feel that way in changing a career.

Indeed there are some strange things afoot, but that is why this horro/supernatural indeed. I wonder why the person bother to bring the body into the hospital. Of course, I might not know what pathology is. Okay, duh! Does this mean Paul is a coroner?

Oh well, I am kept interested.
1/18/2007 c1 Alteng
That was rather intense indeed. Usually you read about the phone call that saves the person from suicide. I like the silly thoughts that she had about the mess her brains would make. Depression will do that to a person.
1/18/2007 c3 1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Wow. Nice going. Just wonder how the heck Gloria links to these though...but it's becoming more of a demon story now. cheers!
1/17/2007 c3 Willers
I like how you spelled out exactly how they would've said the words. Good diction and voice! I'm totally hooked!
1/16/2007 c2 Willers
Really well-written and interesting. The names you chose in the first chapter (Gloria, David, Joey) are names that I've used in previous (unposted) stories... so that kind of freaked me out. Also, thank you for the review for my poem.
1/16/2007 c2 33Slightly Obsessive
I liked the dialogue in this chapter. Still gory, but i wouldn't have minded even more descriptions of the body. Did it smell? A little short, but good work.
1/16/2007 c2 11xDancingintheRainx
Wow. That's all I can think of to say. Really very interesting and creative.
1/16/2007 c2 95Stewart MacDonald
Hoo boy. Amazing shit here! Me being a fan of supernatural, hellish demon books, this is already making me twitch with anticipation. Eaten eh? Heh, fuckin' right. Theres never such a thing as too graphic, I always say.

Your grammar and description are terrific; I can tell you did your homework on the whole hospital scene, just from your mass amounts of trivia on it. It made the story seem real in a whole new level. Definitely some of the best stuff I've read on here.

Your first chapter was a nice hook, ending with the death of an obviously disturbed woman. As to what that has to do with the story I'll leave that to be unfolded. Your grammar is good; you put obvious time into revision and editing.

This story has one new fan! Good luck with future updates!

1/16/2007 c1 1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Nice story. Love the style. It's just that...the title's a bit strange. What does Gloria's suicide have to do with Blood demons? Well, maybe I'll find the answer out when you update. Till then, I look forward to it!
1/16/2007 c1 1baddboy
Blood-soaked and Blu-ray-vivid, with a distinct lack of mush and teen wangst! In other words, a GREAT STORY.
1/16/2007 c1 8Xatriel
Hey! I like your writing style. XD ...and the dialogue. crap, you don't know what I'd give to really make good conversations. (kinda hard talking to yourself, I guess.) Although the length was alright, a little more would be better.:D

Also, the line:

but she realized she was even more of a mess alive than she was dead.

was...I dunno. I loved it, I guess.:D

1/15/2007 c1 33Slightly Obsessive
Vivid, gory and yet strangely interesting. I liked this line: "The glass cracked into a spider web that skewed the entering moonlight."

I have no idea where this is headed, but it is a very good beginning. Keep going!
1/15/2007 c1 2NSMounts
Interesting story. It has a lot of unneeded adverbs and excessive words. Keep writing.

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