for The Duboir Girls4/19/2008 c1 
16One-Hand Clap
I thought the scope for this story was kind of small. I mean, the girl's sister has just comitted suicide - and she's found the body - and she just seems to go running away. I think it's kind of a short description, and kind of clumsy. Also, there are quite a few spelling mistakes - ie: ' day I found my sister if the' I think you mean 'is' instead of if.
Apart from that, it's actually an alright story, and it has true promise! I'd like to see where it leads!
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in my profile)
16One-Hand ClapI thought the scope for this story was kind of small. I mean, the girl's sister has just comitted suicide - and she's found the body - and she just seems to go running away. I think it's kind of a short description, and kind of clumsy. Also, there are quite a few spelling mistakes - ie: ' day I found my sister if the' I think you mean 'is' instead of if.
Apart from that, it's actually an alright story, and it has true promise! I'd like to see where it leads!
- Clap Trap, from Review Marathon (link in my profile)
4/5/2007 c1 11Metamorphoses
Thank you for such a nice review! All of my reviews mean so much to me.
This piece hits home with me in particular because it deals with my favorite subjects: The people left behind. So much of the time you hear about the people who are committing suicide, or any number of other things, but what about the people who are so affected by them? This story effectively examines the grief of a family.
The only thing I might say is that there are a few comma errors, and the end seems a little choppy, like you didn't know how to end it.
11MetamorphosesThank you for such a nice review! All of my reviews mean so much to me.
This piece hits home with me in particular because it deals with my favorite subjects: The people left behind. So much of the time you hear about the people who are committing suicide, or any number of other things, but what about the people who are so affected by them? This story effectively examines the grief of a family.
The only thing I might say is that there are a few comma errors, and the end seems a little choppy, like you didn't know how to end it.
1/19/2007 c1 3endo.schism
Nice start to the story.
The plot is well written and the characters aren't cliche'd. I like that Angel had such and innocent name, yet played with peoples minds.
I'm guessing you took some inspiration from 'The Virgin Suicides' though?
Looking forward to reading more. =)
3endo.schismNice start to the story.
The plot is well written and the characters aren't cliche'd. I like that Angel had such and innocent name, yet played with peoples minds.
I'm guessing you took some inspiration from 'The Virgin Suicides' though?
Looking forward to reading more. =)
1/18/2007 c1 81Keith Anthony Power Campbell
It was good, but I think the scope was perhaps too small for such an important event. A longer version would perhaps be better. Although I wouldn't give up on my family, it will only lead to misery if you can't come together. Everyone needs family.
81Keith Anthony Power CampbellIt was good, but I think the scope was perhaps too small for such an important event. A longer version would perhaps be better. Although I wouldn't give up on my family, it will only lead to misery if you can't come together. Everyone needs family.