for Someday Soon1/27/2007 c3 Lawliet
I'm really liking your story so far, I hope you continue!
I also like how you portray the twins, it reminds me of how my twin and I act.
I'm really liking your story so far, I hope you continue!
I also like how you portray the twins, it reminds me of how my twin and I act.
1/27/2007 c3 
4Amindaya
Heh, so true. My brother is two minutes younger than me, and I remind him of it all the time; but if he were the older twin, he'd do it. I laughed at that part, because it's just so true. Are you a twin yourself?
Nice new chapter. So does their school have a no PDA rule, or is it just for gay people?
4AmindayaHeh, so true. My brother is two minutes younger than me, and I remind him of it all the time; but if he were the older twin, he'd do it. I laughed at that part, because it's just so true. Are you a twin yourself?
Nice new chapter. So does their school have a no PDA rule, or is it just for gay people?
1/26/2007 c2 8failte200
No... the story doesn't READ stiff... I know it can feel that when you write it, though. Sometimes you're in the flow, sometimes ya gotta crank the machine by hand. Still -
I like it. Your pacing seems about right (I actually like my pacing to be somewhat fast - too fast - but I recognize good pacing when I see it, anyway). I LOVE "I THINK I squeaked". He. Poor guy. I take it he hasn't thought a lot about guys before...
And the "lick" was interesting and unusual. Something about Griff that's out of the ordinary.
And the technical part of story writing is excellently done, I think.
Need to start putting in more unusual-ness, questions for the readers to wait for you to answer. So far, the only real question is "Lick? LICK! Why a lick?". Oh, and maybe why his Mom doesn't wanna go over there again. We already KNOW the two boys are going to get together - that's why we chose to read this story in the first place. So it's up to you to make us wonder HOW, or WHY, or whatever. Throw in more things we DON'T expect - and let us wonder about it.
8failte200No... the story doesn't READ stiff... I know it can feel that when you write it, though. Sometimes you're in the flow, sometimes ya gotta crank the machine by hand. Still -
I like it. Your pacing seems about right (I actually like my pacing to be somewhat fast - too fast - but I recognize good pacing when I see it, anyway). I LOVE "I THINK I squeaked". He. Poor guy. I take it he hasn't thought a lot about guys before...
And the "lick" was interesting and unusual. Something about Griff that's out of the ordinary.
And the technical part of story writing is excellently done, I think.
Need to start putting in more unusual-ness, questions for the readers to wait for you to answer. So far, the only real question is "Lick? LICK! Why a lick?". Oh, and maybe why his Mom doesn't wanna go over there again. We already KNOW the two boys are going to get together - that's why we chose to read this story in the first place. So it's up to you to make us wonder HOW, or WHY, or whatever. Throw in more things we DON'T expect - and let us wonder about it.
1/23/2007 c2 12effay
Hey,
A great start to this story, very good. Good job. Dakota sounds like a very interesting character and Griffin sounds totally awesome, so cute! Keep it up as I can't wait to read more!
-Tears of Autumn-
12effayHey,
A great start to this story, very good. Good job. Dakota sounds like a very interesting character and Griffin sounds totally awesome, so cute! Keep it up as I can't wait to read more!
-Tears of Autumn-
1/23/2007 c2 1Bite-Sized-Muffins46
WO second chapter! And as cute as the first :D Poor, confused, licked Dakota.. ^^ sounds good so far
"You smell like mint." haha
1Bite-Sized-Muffins46WO second chapter! And as cute as the first :D Poor, confused, licked Dakota.. ^^ sounds good so far
"You smell like mint." haha
1/22/2007 c2 5tearitrightup
haha. closet freak. i love that. is this a gay story? like, some guy to guy actions? that'll be original. how did you think up of these ideas?
5tearitrightuphaha. closet freak. i love that. is this a gay story? like, some guy to guy actions? that'll be original. how did you think up of these ideas?
1/22/2007 c2 89write25
At first i was kind of distracted becuase i think of Dakota as a girl's name, but once i got past that, i really enjoyed this. the second chapter was intriguing, i'd love to see where you take this. keep up the good work. ~Mariah
89write25At first i was kind of distracted becuase i think of Dakota as a girl's name, but once i got past that, i really enjoyed this. the second chapter was intriguing, i'd love to see where you take this. keep up the good work. ~Mariah
1/22/2007 c2 7KaleLongsworth
The characters are awesome, I really like Dakota in particular. I think it's cool how the closet is his little spot. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
7KaleLongsworthThe characters are awesome, I really like Dakota in particular. I think it's cool how the closet is his little spot. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
1/20/2007 c1 9FantasyisReality
I like it. It's funny in some parts and my friend has some stories with people hiding in closets.
9FantasyisRealityI like it. It's funny in some parts and my friend has some stories with people hiding in closets.