for Preconceived Notions10/16/2013 c6 Jester79
I'm so enjoying this story - it's lighthearted and fun. Your characters interact well. It's definitely got a lot going for it.
I'm so enjoying this story - it's lighthearted and fun. Your characters interact well. It's definitely got a lot going for it.
10/14/2013 c5 skye real
Oh my god, this is an awesome plot. Way to go Cheyenne make Jack eat his words. Ooh I love this!
Oh my god, this is an awesome plot. Way to go Cheyenne make Jack eat his words. Ooh I love this!
6/10/2012 c4 foxyricanlady
Oh my god! Why have you finished this story it have a great story line and characters... I hope you do decide to finish it. Please really great. Sarai
Oh my god! Why have you finished this story it have a great story line and characters... I hope you do decide to finish it. Please really great. Sarai
6/6/2010 c4 
1CaliBound
I hope you continue this story... I wanna see what happens between Cheyenne and Dane...
1CaliBoundI hope you continue this story... I wanna see what happens between Cheyenne and Dane...
3/26/2010 c4 Oh Blue Lass
Oh how I wish you'd come back to this story! I love your work, you write so well, it's engaging, sassy & saucy altogether! Here's hoping my meager review inspires you to continue.
Blue
Oh how I wish you'd come back to this story! I love your work, you write so well, it's engaging, sassy & saucy altogether! Here's hoping my meager review inspires you to continue.
Blue
3/28/2007 c4 25Aistaraina
Oh my gosh! I'm reading way too many good stories right now! Pleae update, I'm thristing for more.
25AistarainaOh my gosh! I'm reading way too many good stories right now! Pleae update, I'm thristing for more.
2/19/2007 c4 ElusiveReader
Your story has interesting characters that seem to have a past and your descriptions are well-detailed. As for the actual plot, I think it is still a little early to comment, but I like the tension between Dane and Cheyenne, even though they both seem to be too eager about each other and I am not sure that it is realistic – but this just a personal opinion. However, you should be more careful when a new scene starts. For example, in Chapter 2:
"The Electric Slide had been their traditional dance since they had went to their first dance club.
'You’re changing the subject but I’m going to let you…for now.' Amber said and followed her out the door.
Dane watched as Cheyenne made her way to the dance floor. She was smiling as she shimmied her way to the dancing couples, stopping to talk to the DJ for a moment and laughing at something he had said."
The scene changes form Cheyenne’s thoughts to Dave’s but it is rather abrupt and I was momentarily confused.
Also, in Chapter 4:
"She headed toward her office and flipped the light on. It flickered a moment before she heard the telltale popping sound of a dead bulb and she swore softly before she made her way to the supply closet.
Dane shoved a hand through his blond locks as he stood in the parking lot of Cheyenne’s building hesitantly for a few moments."
The scene changes and so does the POV. We are transferred for the scene at the kitchen, where we are shown Cheyenne’s POV, to the office (Dave’s POV) but it is rather abrupt. I had to go back and re-read the previous paragraphs to understand what is going on.
So, maybe you should work a bit on how the story flows and the way you use the narrative of the third person perspective (I hope that this makes sense!)
In any case, I am intrigued enough by your story to want to know what will happen at the next chapter :)
Your story has interesting characters that seem to have a past and your descriptions are well-detailed. As for the actual plot, I think it is still a little early to comment, but I like the tension between Dane and Cheyenne, even though they both seem to be too eager about each other and I am not sure that it is realistic – but this just a personal opinion. However, you should be more careful when a new scene starts. For example, in Chapter 2:
"The Electric Slide had been their traditional dance since they had went to their first dance club.
'You’re changing the subject but I’m going to let you…for now.' Amber said and followed her out the door.
Dane watched as Cheyenne made her way to the dance floor. She was smiling as she shimmied her way to the dancing couples, stopping to talk to the DJ for a moment and laughing at something he had said."
The scene changes form Cheyenne’s thoughts to Dave’s but it is rather abrupt and I was momentarily confused.
Also, in Chapter 4:
"She headed toward her office and flipped the light on. It flickered a moment before she heard the telltale popping sound of a dead bulb and she swore softly before she made her way to the supply closet.
Dane shoved a hand through his blond locks as he stood in the parking lot of Cheyenne’s building hesitantly for a few moments."
The scene changes and so does the POV. We are transferred for the scene at the kitchen, where we are shown Cheyenne’s POV, to the office (Dave’s POV) but it is rather abrupt. I had to go back and re-read the previous paragraphs to understand what is going on.
So, maybe you should work a bit on how the story flows and the way you use the narrative of the third person perspective (I hope that this makes sense!)
In any case, I am intrigued enough by your story to want to know what will happen at the next chapter :)
2/13/2007 c4 123123123123123po
WIAT im lost!
Dane is the best man right? Why did you mention the dentists office, that guy was someone else right? Im all confused
WIAT im lost!
Dane is the best man right? Why did you mention the dentists office, that guy was someone else right? Im all confused
2/5/2007 c3 Alenor
oh now i feel sorry for dane kinda. and cheyenne should just admit she wants to talk with him etc. cya later ~ Alenor.
oh now i feel sorry for dane kinda. and cheyenne should just admit she wants to talk with him etc. cya later ~ Alenor.
2/4/2007 c3 Gintaras
I really liked Josh's comments about Dane just wanting to prove himself with Cheyenne, 'cause i was kind of thinking the same thing.
Your way of describing their dance was good as well, with both points of view. Dane is definitely becoming more interesting and I can't wait to read more.
I really liked Josh's comments about Dane just wanting to prove himself with Cheyenne, 'cause i was kind of thinking the same thing.
Your way of describing their dance was good as well, with both points of view. Dane is definitely becoming more interesting and I can't wait to read more.
2/4/2007 c3 Driew
oh.,...good chapter. and the tension thickens. haha. i cant wait for more
oh.,...good chapter. and the tension thickens. haha. i cant wait for more
2/4/2007 c3 123123123123123po
aww is she scared? does she have a bad past? and why did tia leave him?
aww is she scared? does she have a bad past? and why did tia leave him?