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for The World of Three

1/26/2007 c1 Universal Empire
Great story! You could expand a bit more when you change point of view. I noticed that it changed frequently in the 2nd chapter. That's the only real thing that I see you could do a little better on. Also on this sentance, "My names Mitchell and I'm your typical, lovably slack." Names should really be name's. One last minor detail you could expand on. When he's at the cafe and waits for his friend a conversation just starts. I think you should maybe say when the guy physically gets there and describe him a bit. These are just some of my opinions, you don't have to listen to them. I'll email you later.

Later

Sadistikal

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