for Something Softly So12/10/2007 c1 
3Fan Fan
*grins* I can't help but smile as I read the second half of this...it game me memories that I know many have also shared. Lovely
3Fan Fan*grins* I can't help but smile as I read the second half of this...it game me memories that I know many have also shared. Lovely
4/30/2007 c1 18twistedtruths
Sorry I've been gone for so long! I've got tons of reviewing catch-up to do...
Anyway...I really liked this poem, the way you described love and what it all is was done really well. I loved the end the best when she asked him to forget the world. Great poem.
18twistedtruthsSorry I've been gone for so long! I've got tons of reviewing catch-up to do...
Anyway...I really liked this poem, the way you described love and what it all is was done really well. I loved the end the best when she asked him to forget the world. Great poem.
2/13/2007 c1 28emilyrachel18
hey lexy is this poem born from an experience if so i'd love to know about it. alot of things are happening down this end so as soon as things settle we can talk properly. don't worry things are alright. btw love the expression 2like strangers to her eyes" very well captured
28emilyrachel18hey lexy is this poem born from an experience if so i'd love to know about it. alot of things are happening down this end so as soon as things settle we can talk properly. don't worry things are alright. btw love the expression 2like strangers to her eyes" very well captured
2/7/2007 c1 Louise
I really liked this, chasing cars fits in perfectly.
I really liked this, chasing cars fits in perfectly.
2/2/2007 c1 HiddenFlame42
Aw darling, I'm sorry. I know saying bye to him was hard for you. Good choice of lyrics. I agree they just seem right for the situation. Well-written piece hun! *hugs*
Aw darling, I'm sorry. I know saying bye to him was hard for you. Good choice of lyrics. I agree they just seem right for the situation. Well-written piece hun! *hugs*
2/1/2007 c1 298Moon-Chaser
Hey
That was so happy and sad all together. This is about Rob? That's sad. I hope you email me soon if you need to.
A wonderfully emotional poem all the same.
Keep it up
298Moon-ChaserHey
That was so happy and sad all together. This is about Rob? That's sad. I hope you email me soon if you need to.
A wonderfully emotional poem all the same.
Keep it up
1/31/2007 c1 32fharfalla
aww.. -touched by the poem- anyway.. that's good!
'Let's just forget the world'
*ripped wings*
32fharfallaaww.. -touched by the poem- anyway.. that's good!
'Let's just forget the world'
*ripped wings*
1/29/2007 c1 112PerpetualBliss44
I liked it. It didn't stun me-but then, I don't mean that in a negative way. I don't think that's what the piece was meant to do. It wasn't supposed to be shocking...I think it seemed like it meant to be more familiar. It meant to connect, and be everything we've ever felt. If so, it did its job. It was soft, passionate, intense...it was pretty great, actually.
It seemed less poem, more broken story. But I think that worked for it. There were few grammer errors, but nothing too major.
The chorus of Chasing Cars went well. It carried a lot of emotion.
Why now? It wasn’t fair, only a couple of months, but what is?
She didn’t want to cry but they just came, like strangers to her eyes-
That part was amazing. It really hit me hard.
All in all, I rather enjoyed reading it. I think I'm probably going to go read it over a few more times. Nice job :).
Kerstyn
112PerpetualBliss44I liked it. It didn't stun me-but then, I don't mean that in a negative way. I don't think that's what the piece was meant to do. It wasn't supposed to be shocking...I think it seemed like it meant to be more familiar. It meant to connect, and be everything we've ever felt. If so, it did its job. It was soft, passionate, intense...it was pretty great, actually.
It seemed less poem, more broken story. But I think that worked for it. There were few grammer errors, but nothing too major.
The chorus of Chasing Cars went well. It carried a lot of emotion.
Why now? It wasn’t fair, only a couple of months, but what is?
She didn’t want to cry but they just came, like strangers to her eyes-
That part was amazing. It really hit me hard.
All in all, I rather enjoyed reading it. I think I'm probably going to go read it over a few more times. Nice job :).
Kerstyn
1/29/2007 c1 1bitterlyysweetchoco
To be honest the poem was good but then you stuck that stupid song in there. I couldn't take it serious anymore.
1bitterlyysweetchocoTo be honest the poem was good but then you stuck that stupid song in there. I couldn't take it serious anymore.
1/28/2007 c1 102Midnight In Eden
First off, this is prose shoved into line breaks. There is little poetic feel to this. As a short prose piece I would think it cute and a little sappy however as poetry there's a number of technical and language problems.
Poetry is about "showing" the situation rather than straight out telling. You use imagery, metaphors, simile to portray the situation. What you have here is prose, direct telling of a short story. There are moments of poetic voice but it's few and far between. Also, the omniscient third person voice isn't helping.
Personally I think you should just turn this into a short prose piece but if you're determined to make it poetry then you really need to tightly edit it, trying to show the moment from perhaps one point of view. Also clean out your prepositions and "he/she"s.
The first line of your second stanza "It was cold and they both shivered as the wait was becoming unbearable," could be turned into
"Chill crept into their wait,
inducing twin shivers
as time grew unbearable".
Or something to that effect. Do you see how it has a more poetic voice?
Also, when you do look for imagery and different ways to show this poem, think about using more unique imagery and interesting adjectives. With love poetry it's easy to fall back on cliched images and that can make the poem quite dull, so think of how this might be a unique situation.
Hopefully I was helpful. I'm not meaning to be harsh but this is the absolute truth about this poem.
.:midnight:.
102Midnight In EdenFirst off, this is prose shoved into line breaks. There is little poetic feel to this. As a short prose piece I would think it cute and a little sappy however as poetry there's a number of technical and language problems.
Poetry is about "showing" the situation rather than straight out telling. You use imagery, metaphors, simile to portray the situation. What you have here is prose, direct telling of a short story. There are moments of poetic voice but it's few and far between. Also, the omniscient third person voice isn't helping.
Personally I think you should just turn this into a short prose piece but if you're determined to make it poetry then you really need to tightly edit it, trying to show the moment from perhaps one point of view. Also clean out your prepositions and "he/she"s.
The first line of your second stanza "It was cold and they both shivered as the wait was becoming unbearable," could be turned into
"Chill crept into their wait,
inducing twin shivers
as time grew unbearable".
Or something to that effect. Do you see how it has a more poetic voice?
Also, when you do look for imagery and different ways to show this poem, think about using more unique imagery and interesting adjectives. With love poetry it's easy to fall back on cliched images and that can make the poem quite dull, so think of how this might be a unique situation.
Hopefully I was helpful. I'm not meaning to be harsh but this is the absolute truth about this poem.
.:midnight:.
1/28/2007 c1 89Lady DreamWriter
A very heart breaking piece that could bring anyone to tears. I only noticed one mistake. 'He didn’t now what to do, should he wipe away the tears?' should be 'He didn’t know what to do, should he wipe away the tears?'
Other than this, your work is wonderful like always!
89Lady DreamWriterA very heart breaking piece that could bring anyone to tears. I only noticed one mistake. 'He didn’t now what to do, should he wipe away the tears?' should be 'He didn’t know what to do, should he wipe away the tears?'
Other than this, your work is wonderful like always!
1/28/2007 c1 criti-sized
This was a very nice poem. I thought the wording was nice as well, and the slight emotion that was apparent in it made the poem better.
This was a very nice poem. I thought the wording was nice as well, and the slight emotion that was apparent in it made the poem better.