for Delicates2/6/2007 c1 
80magnusthewolf
this is interesting and has an interesting close, but i think the puncuation is what's the most distracting because it kind of takes away from the poem, and forces pauses in reading, which would be ok, except when you read the next line it just makes it more ackward...
80magnusthewolfthis is interesting and has an interesting close, but i think the puncuation is what's the most distracting because it kind of takes away from the poem, and forces pauses in reading, which would be ok, except when you read the next line it just makes it more ackward...
1/29/2007 c1 102Midnight In Eden
Aside from a few technical pointers there is only good to say about this. Very cute little poem that really captures your idea.
Only technical pointers I would give is to recommend you punctuate the whole piece because you seem to do it a little halfheartedly and perhaps add a few more line breaks in. It'd just help with your flow I think.
Otherwise. Lovely.
.:midnight:.
102Midnight In EdenAside from a few technical pointers there is only good to say about this. Very cute little poem that really captures your idea.
Only technical pointers I would give is to recommend you punctuate the whole piece because you seem to do it a little halfheartedly and perhaps add a few more line breaks in. It'd just help with your flow I think.
Otherwise. Lovely.
.:midnight:.