Just In
for If's and But's

5/6/2007 c1 73Jezsh
Wow, just wow. The first stanza especially. Yowza!
3/2/2007 c1 simpleplan13
I like the if then statements.. interesting idea and very well done... sad ending... beautiful images
1/30/2007 c1 177notated descant
Interesting how each stanza starts with an "if" or a "but", corresponding to the title "If's and But's". Very original concept. Good job! (and thanks for the review!)
1/30/2007 c1 24she's not breathing
why the linebreaks? you can get fp to space your stanzas, if that was the problem (holding "shift" before "enter" makes the lines single-spaced). hehe. a pet-peeve of mine, maybe, but i felt that detracted from the poem itself.

"If a yellow fingered sunser crept between today/ And tonight" - oh my God, that's beautiful. if this had been horrible (which it isn't) i'd still praise it for that line. how it's something regular that you depict originally - beautiful. so beautiful.

i like the continuous flow to this - If, maybe - If, then - But, and. it rolls together, builds up in a subtle way. i don't know about the second stanza. i'm in love with what you said, but the dust seems trite. although the way this is impersonal despite being in first person is emphasized, & i really like that. i reallyreally like that. dust rising from the surface. it's as if you said you/they can't expose the "truth". it has to somehow do it by itself. which you go on to imply can't happen. okay nevermind. i like the dust image now.

"tomorrow ... lost in the pages" & "gravity holds us down" are simple, frequent. easy to think. but somehow in the context of this poem it's more. there's helplessness in this that flows beneath the surface & it's so powerful that you never express it in the words themselves.

i love this. :)

1/30/2007 c1 7Trinity Spark
Beautiful job. /If a yellow fingered sunset crept between today/ Love that line right there. ^_^

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