for Kelly's duck2/12/2007 c1 
6marcelline
I really enjoyed that. :) I wish I had the time to expound, but I'm in school and shouldn't be here right now. -_-
6marcellineI really enjoyed that. :) I wish I had the time to expound, but I'm in school and shouldn't be here right now. -_-
2/10/2007 c1 612simpleplan13
I really wasn't expecting that last stanza, but I liked it a lot... the italicizing of the ever two lines was interesting... I liked it in the first and last stanza because if you read those lines just by themselves it flowed well, but in the second stanza they wouldnt really make sense to me anyhow... I really like the first stanza.. the descriptions are beautiful.. great piece
612simpleplan13I really wasn't expecting that last stanza, but I liked it a lot... the italicizing of the ever two lines was interesting... I liked it in the first and last stanza because if you read those lines just by themselves it flowed well, but in the second stanza they wouldnt really make sense to me anyhow... I really like the first stanza.. the descriptions are beautiful.. great piece
2/5/2007 c1 7The Breakdancing Ninja
I wish still had its tab functions, especially for poetry, so that way this piece's hidden lines wouldn't overshadow the other lines.
The first stanza's hidden lines look a lot like... abstract love-making. Water has always been a sign of voluptuousity (ot a word, I don't think) and sensuality, and vines themselves are sort of phallic and strangling. "in all directions" gives off a sense of bewilderment, but in the actual stanza itself, it has an airy, disconnected quality-the dispersal, like vapor.
The second stanza's hidden lines remind me a lot of "The Faerie Queene" by Edmund Spenser, and the description of this naga named Error. She has the body of a woman, but the tail of a snake, and she's just... disgusting. Kelly is a guarded, self-serving person, fondling herself. And her face probably has slit eyes and a curly smile, like a snake or a stone eel.
The third stanza's hidden lines are the most impressionable. They're ghost-like, and she's in motion. I literally imagined a ghost running straight through the room, devoid of presence, even running straight through the bed the narrator sleeps on (when in face, in context of the poem, the narrator is somewhat like a ghost himself). Especially the word "lamenting" leads me to imagining this hag-like grief.
The stanzas could also be read, by skipping the bold lines so that only the ghostly text in between is left, and it speaks more of the male than of Kelly. Even without Kelly's lines, he is vaguely complete, except he doesn't have enough presence of explanation lending to him.
Where Kelly's thoughts are vindictive and strongly present, he has a lot of weak, conjunction-starting lines. "and", "of".
In the first stanza, we're seeing a quiet message about eyes, reflections-insight. He is a mirror, and he is a bridge, "connecting trails/of gold and orange" (similar colors, but not quite similar); he completes a full image of Kelly by being her mirror for the time being. The "wrinkles that separate" could be the ghostly apparition that Kelly makes in her makeshift mirror-or her lover. It dissipates and is elusive, just like her in relation to him.
The second stanza has "We're like plastic/ now, floating" (I'm taking my liberties to separate thoughts at will, considering that I've omitted Kelly's lines and have to make sense without them. He is like Kelly's duck (which is also apparent even if we read the stanza WITH Kelly's lines). "in/ being held, Her tanned skin" I imagine a quiet "by" in between "her" and "held", so it almost reads "in being held (by) her tanned skin" (yes, like a snake); "clouds descend" as he does, when he's being strangled by her, and he sees the transformation "Her shoulder/ turning into a/ slithering tail". Both parts of the second stanza, Kelly's and her lover's, recognize her snake-like appearance in the lover's makeshift mirror, and even in the complete version of the poem, though literal, it still insinuates something about Kelly.
"The bathroom lights/ draw shadows" He is definitely the ghost watching from the bed, knowing she's still in the bathroom with her duck. We get to see his frustration: "in the thousand nights/we've slept together" sounds almost like a curse, almost as if it's the catalyst for a fight-I could imagine him saying this in a confrontation (though he probably wouldn't, he is as submissive as Mr. Duck), "You know, Kelly, in the THOUSAND NIGHTS we've been together, one would think you would have the courtesy to give me ONE friggin'ass blowjob". Sort of like that. "the bath alone/ and naked, quietly" This line sounds almost as if he's a naked burgurlar (sp?), entering the bath to come and RAPE HER! "becoming one with/ herself and" RAPE RAPE. Not just that, but the mirror has finally sunk back in, and he is no longer disassociated. He has shown us what Kelly looks like, and now he need to returns her back to herself with his thoughts and his narrative, which is fixated, even without Kelly's lines. It's all about Kelly for this poor guy.
Did any of that make sense?
7The Breakdancing NinjaI wish still had its tab functions, especially for poetry, so that way this piece's hidden lines wouldn't overshadow the other lines.
The first stanza's hidden lines look a lot like... abstract love-making. Water has always been a sign of voluptuousity (ot a word, I don't think) and sensuality, and vines themselves are sort of phallic and strangling. "in all directions" gives off a sense of bewilderment, but in the actual stanza itself, it has an airy, disconnected quality-the dispersal, like vapor.
The second stanza's hidden lines remind me a lot of "The Faerie Queene" by Edmund Spenser, and the description of this naga named Error. She has the body of a woman, but the tail of a snake, and she's just... disgusting. Kelly is a guarded, self-serving person, fondling herself. And her face probably has slit eyes and a curly smile, like a snake or a stone eel.
The third stanza's hidden lines are the most impressionable. They're ghost-like, and she's in motion. I literally imagined a ghost running straight through the room, devoid of presence, even running straight through the bed the narrator sleeps on (when in face, in context of the poem, the narrator is somewhat like a ghost himself). Especially the word "lamenting" leads me to imagining this hag-like grief.
The stanzas could also be read, by skipping the bold lines so that only the ghostly text in between is left, and it speaks more of the male than of Kelly. Even without Kelly's lines, he is vaguely complete, except he doesn't have enough presence of explanation lending to him.
Where Kelly's thoughts are vindictive and strongly present, he has a lot of weak, conjunction-starting lines. "and", "of".
In the first stanza, we're seeing a quiet message about eyes, reflections-insight. He is a mirror, and he is a bridge, "connecting trails/of gold and orange" (similar colors, but not quite similar); he completes a full image of Kelly by being her mirror for the time being. The "wrinkles that separate" could be the ghostly apparition that Kelly makes in her makeshift mirror-or her lover. It dissipates and is elusive, just like her in relation to him.
The second stanza has "We're like plastic/ now, floating" (I'm taking my liberties to separate thoughts at will, considering that I've omitted Kelly's lines and have to make sense without them. He is like Kelly's duck (which is also apparent even if we read the stanza WITH Kelly's lines). "in/ being held, Her tanned skin" I imagine a quiet "by" in between "her" and "held", so it almost reads "in being held (by) her tanned skin" (yes, like a snake); "clouds descend" as he does, when he's being strangled by her, and he sees the transformation "Her shoulder/ turning into a/ slithering tail". Both parts of the second stanza, Kelly's and her lover's, recognize her snake-like appearance in the lover's makeshift mirror, and even in the complete version of the poem, though literal, it still insinuates something about Kelly.
"The bathroom lights/ draw shadows" He is definitely the ghost watching from the bed, knowing she's still in the bathroom with her duck. We get to see his frustration: "in the thousand nights/we've slept together" sounds almost like a curse, almost as if it's the catalyst for a fight-I could imagine him saying this in a confrontation (though he probably wouldn't, he is as submissive as Mr. Duck), "You know, Kelly, in the THOUSAND NIGHTS we've been together, one would think you would have the courtesy to give me ONE friggin'ass blowjob". Sort of like that. "the bath alone/ and naked, quietly" This line sounds almost as if he's a naked burgurlar (sp?), entering the bath to come and RAPE HER! "becoming one with/ herself and" RAPE RAPE. Not just that, but the mirror has finally sunk back in, and he is no longer disassociated. He has shown us what Kelly looks like, and now he need to returns her back to herself with his thoughts and his narrative, which is fixated, even without Kelly's lines. It's all about Kelly for this poor guy.
Did any of that make sense?