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for MISERICORD: A Dark Superhero Story

2/6/2007 c1 S.S. Dailey
Okay, well I'm going to review this as I read.

The first line of your story definitely got my attention. "The first time I ever saw people having sex was in a library." If that doesn't make someone want to read further, I don't know what would.

Watch out for really long sentences. The first sentence of your second paragraph could be split right before the but.

You might want to place a divider between the library scene and the paragraph starting "In the forest I am the hunter..." Otherwise it seems very confusing.

I like the way he connects with the man (being nice by calling him a man...he is actually a lot worse). It makes him an interesting character, being able to feel what the 'victims' feel.

All in all I like the beginning though I found the first chapter to be rather short. I will be looking for an update.
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