for Fragment Pieces of Life's Sonnet4/13/2011 c9 
829Anaare
I sauntered across your page a while ago and suddenly came to the conclusion that I had another chapter of Fragment Pieces of Life's Sonnet to read. What luck! Apologies for not reviewing for so long a time, but it's been a very busy time. Hopefully, I can read and review more in the coming time.
I really enjoyed this last chapter - it seemed quieter, and, well... smaller and more contained (if you know what I mean) than previous chapters. I thought the strongest part was the final paragraph - the way you desribe Maeline's appearance was very well done, very poignant. The line "She was similar to terra firma in his mind" stayed in my mind for quite some time.
I'm hoping you haven't given up on the story - you really shouldn't! Here's to seeing a new chapter soon ;)
With regards,
Anaare
829AnaareI sauntered across your page a while ago and suddenly came to the conclusion that I had another chapter of Fragment Pieces of Life's Sonnet to read. What luck! Apologies for not reviewing for so long a time, but it's been a very busy time. Hopefully, I can read and review more in the coming time.
I really enjoyed this last chapter - it seemed quieter, and, well... smaller and more contained (if you know what I mean) than previous chapters. I thought the strongest part was the final paragraph - the way you desribe Maeline's appearance was very well done, very poignant. The line "She was similar to terra firma in his mind" stayed in my mind for quite some time.
I'm hoping you haven't given up on the story - you really shouldn't! Here's to seeing a new chapter soon ;)
With regards,
Anaare
5/16/2009 c10 2Sir Scott
That explains a lot that Jackie wasn't her real mother. And it's about time she got up and walked out of Dr. Phillipse's office, it wasn't doing her any good. Talking about your problems don't really help things anyway.
~SirScott
2Sir ScottThat explains a lot that Jackie wasn't her real mother. And it's about time she got up and walked out of Dr. Phillipse's office, it wasn't doing her any good. Talking about your problems don't really help things anyway.
~SirScott
5/11/2009 c9 Sir Scott
That's sad well at least the old woman is still alive. I can tell that moths have been on your mind lately. It's kinda interesting that his ex-girlfriend considered smoking to be contributing to the unhappiness of his soul, since human started smoking for spiritual reasons.
~SirScott
That's sad well at least the old woman is still alive. I can tell that moths have been on your mind lately. It's kinda interesting that his ex-girlfriend considered smoking to be contributing to the unhappiness of his soul, since human started smoking for spiritual reasons.
~SirScott
11/16/2008 c8 829Anaare
Ah, finally, the chance to read up on the latest chapter. Again, a very aptly titled chapter. I loved the way how you described the frustration and tensions between Lewis and Qwuan, as well as the "confrontation" with the doctor. Well-written. I do wonder if that girl at the end is someone we know. I have my ideas, but well... I did spot one little mistake, way in the beginning: "emergent surgery". I'm assuming it was supposed to read "emergency surgery"? Probably a type-o.
As always, you make me look forward to reading the continuation. Hope it comes quickly!
829AnaareAh, finally, the chance to read up on the latest chapter. Again, a very aptly titled chapter. I loved the way how you described the frustration and tensions between Lewis and Qwuan, as well as the "confrontation" with the doctor. Well-written. I do wonder if that girl at the end is someone we know. I have my ideas, but well... I did spot one little mistake, way in the beginning: "emergent surgery". I'm assuming it was supposed to read "emergency surgery"? Probably a type-o.
As always, you make me look forward to reading the continuation. Hope it comes quickly!
10/7/2008 c7 Anaare
Wow, it's been a while since I reviewed. Sorry about that! Still, the story managed to suck me right in and I must say, it's one of the best chapters so far. The dream-sequence at the start was... disturbing, but beautifully written. The rest of the chapter was a very interesting read, this relationship between Cristopher and Qwuan. Quite an odd couple in certain ways and the quirky humour makes a bit of an abrupt break from the earlier dream, which is an interesting effect. The argument at the end is also well-written, convincingly so.
I hope to be able to read and review the last chapter soon. Looking forward to that!
Best wishes,
Anaare
Wow, it's been a while since I reviewed. Sorry about that! Still, the story managed to suck me right in and I must say, it's one of the best chapters so far. The dream-sequence at the start was... disturbing, but beautifully written. The rest of the chapter was a very interesting read, this relationship between Cristopher and Qwuan. Quite an odd couple in certain ways and the quirky humour makes a bit of an abrupt break from the earlier dream, which is an interesting effect. The argument at the end is also well-written, convincingly so.
I hope to be able to read and review the last chapter soon. Looking forward to that!
Best wishes,
Anaare
7/26/2008 c8 criti-sized
Here I finally am.
[From its start with Christopher waking him up early to the phone call he'd received just before going to take his shower, not once would he have thought it'd end at the hospital.] Nobody ever thinks that their day will end the way it does.
I really liked this chapter and how it expressed a lot of emotion in it. Qwuan not only seems like he's angry for reasons that he's afraid to discover entirely, but he's worried that he's not going to be able to save his grandmother. It possibly makes him angrier that there's nothing he can do.
And Louis, wow, he's just an uncle with control issues. I guess it shouldn't be forgotten that he has feelings too and is possibly just acting out his.
My review would've been longer but my comp updated itself and is about to restart any minute. I don't want to be in the middle of a review when that happens.
C.S.
Here I finally am.
[From its start with Christopher waking him up early to the phone call he'd received just before going to take his shower, not once would he have thought it'd end at the hospital.] Nobody ever thinks that their day will end the way it does.
I really liked this chapter and how it expressed a lot of emotion in it. Qwuan not only seems like he's angry for reasons that he's afraid to discover entirely, but he's worried that he's not going to be able to save his grandmother. It possibly makes him angrier that there's nothing he can do.
And Louis, wow, he's just an uncle with control issues. I guess it shouldn't be forgotten that he has feelings too and is possibly just acting out his.
My review would've been longer but my comp updated itself and is about to restart any minute. I don't want to be in the middle of a review when that happens.
C.S.
7/12/2008 c8 2Sir Scott
Interesting chapter. What makes it different was how the doctor was portrayed. Most often doctors are shown as faultless in the media.
Qwuan glanced at Eimee when he heard that, wondering the why hell hadn't anyone told him Maeline was supposed to have surgery on Sunday.
I think you met wondering why in the hell. That's the only mistake I could find and I did read your last statement.
~SirScott
2Sir ScottInteresting chapter. What makes it different was how the doctor was portrayed. Most often doctors are shown as faultless in the media.
Qwuan glanced at Eimee when he heard that, wondering the why hell hadn't anyone told him Maeline was supposed to have surgery on Sunday.
I think you met wondering why in the hell. That's the only mistake I could find and I did read your last statement.
~SirScott
7/1/2008 c8 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heyo there! It's me again if ya remember! :) Anyway, glad to see that you're back at here again. :) Anyway, just something to suggest here and that is, in the future when your stories didn't got updated for like three to six months, maybe you can add in a summary of what had happened. In this case, I think the readers can recall the whole thing. Ok, now for the review... basically, I can see a very strong sense of angst here. Quite good imo since I've not seen something like this for ages. And I think the one getting hospitalized is Qwuan's grandma if I remember correctly. I really hope the operation turns out good although I suspect otherwise. Just one CC here and that is, in this chapter where you did a brief part on Qwuan's past, I suggest that maybe you can do more details on it. Like a flashback or soemthing else. I guess maybe you can try this in the future chapters. ;) Anyway, good chapter here and glad to see you back. Anyway, hope to see your reviews for my stories as well. I think you've missed out on my new story Bloodfire and the updated chapter of Elven Chronicles. Quite a long time since you've reviewed my stories you know. ;)
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuHeyo there! It's me again if ya remember! :) Anyway, glad to see that you're back at here again. :) Anyway, just something to suggest here and that is, in the future when your stories didn't got updated for like three to six months, maybe you can add in a summary of what had happened. In this case, I think the readers can recall the whole thing. Ok, now for the review... basically, I can see a very strong sense of angst here. Quite good imo since I've not seen something like this for ages. And I think the one getting hospitalized is Qwuan's grandma if I remember correctly. I really hope the operation turns out good although I suspect otherwise. Just one CC here and that is, in this chapter where you did a brief part on Qwuan's past, I suggest that maybe you can do more details on it. Like a flashback or soemthing else. I guess maybe you can try this in the future chapters. ;) Anyway, good chapter here and glad to see you back. Anyway, hope to see your reviews for my stories as well. I think you've missed out on my new story Bloodfire and the updated chapter of Elven Chronicles. Quite a long time since you've reviewed my stories you know. ;)
4/26/2008 c4 3The Ferrett
Hm. Somehow when reading this bit my mind wants to make links between the father and the psychiatrist, whether that be because of their proximity or because of the looks and half gestures I don't know. Have to say that the second half does erase a little from the father piece, although it does... work.
3The FerrettHm. Somehow when reading this bit my mind wants to make links between the father and the psychiatrist, whether that be because of their proximity or because of the looks and half gestures I don't know. Have to say that the second half does erase a little from the father piece, although it does... work.
4/26/2008 c2 The Ferrett
First of all you capture a brilliant depressing mood. Even hyper, I was brought down to calm with this piece. I love the way you introduce the deceased slowly and with dignity, not with trashy memories but with finality. Great read.
First of all you capture a brilliant depressing mood. Even hyper, I was brought down to calm with this piece. I love the way you introduce the deceased slowly and with dignity, not with trashy memories but with finality. Great read.
4/18/2008 c4 5C.F. Anne
There's no doubt that descriptions are one of your strong points. You seem to have a way with putting words together to paint a picture. A wonderful chapter, but things are going a little slow. No complaining, just thought you might like to know. Maybe you could add some witty comments, or something...but then again, that might ruin the mood. Well, even with the lack of "excitment" it was still good and interesting. By the way, I love the name Chyou. XD
5C.F. AnneThere's no doubt that descriptions are one of your strong points. You seem to have a way with putting words together to paint a picture. A wonderful chapter, but things are going a little slow. No complaining, just thought you might like to know. Maybe you could add some witty comments, or something...but then again, that might ruin the mood. Well, even with the lack of "excitment" it was still good and interesting. By the way, I love the name Chyou. XD
4/18/2008 c3 C.F. Anne
Another wonderful chapter, and you way you describe the surroundings is amazing. I think it was better than the prolouge only because maybe there was dialogue and so it did not seem like the whole chapter (or prologue) is only description. I'm looking forward to reading more. (:
Another wonderful chapter, and you way you describe the surroundings is amazing. I think it was better than the prolouge only because maybe there was dialogue and so it did not seem like the whole chapter (or prologue) is only description. I'm looking forward to reading more. (:
4/18/2008 c2 C.F. Anne
Very interesting. I did like it, though I do wonder why you did not put the peoms before the prologue. It would have fit, I think, and would have been more appropriate, but it is your story, so I will say no more. As far as the prologue goes, I did loved your descriptions and the feeling put into it. It certainly is sad to see someone die, and I believe you captured that feeling well.
Very interesting. I did like it, though I do wonder why you did not put the peoms before the prologue. It would have fit, I think, and would have been more appropriate, but it is your story, so I will say no more. As far as the prologue goes, I did loved your descriptions and the feeling put into it. It certainly is sad to see someone die, and I believe you captured that feeling well.
4/2/2008 c3 pete's sake delete the account
Your grammar's off a bit, I notice, so you might want to look at that. If you improve that it'll flow better.
I notice that the names you choose are a bit flowery and unusual, like Eimee instead of Aimee/Amy and Judianna instead of Juliana. That adds to the feeling of the chapters, but be careful that it's not distracting. For example, Qwuan's name is unusual but that's fine; if the other characters were Ryx'l and Ytrel or something sci-fi it would get confusing, but since the rest are close to normal it works.
The flowery feeling of the chapters contrasts sharply with the modern setting and Qwuan's cursing and bluntness. It's not a bad thing, but it's surprising to go from "dipped eyebrows" to "No shit."
I'm intrigued by the story, but I hope you keep your words flowing smoothly. Too much contrast can be a bit confusing!
Your grammar's off a bit, I notice, so you might want to look at that. If you improve that it'll flow better.
I notice that the names you choose are a bit flowery and unusual, like Eimee instead of Aimee/Amy and Judianna instead of Juliana. That adds to the feeling of the chapters, but be careful that it's not distracting. For example, Qwuan's name is unusual but that's fine; if the other characters were Ryx'l and Ytrel or something sci-fi it would get confusing, but since the rest are close to normal it works.
The flowery feeling of the chapters contrasts sharply with the modern setting and Qwuan's cursing and bluntness. It's not a bad thing, but it's surprising to go from "dipped eyebrows" to "No shit."
I'm intrigued by the story, but I hope you keep your words flowing smoothly. Too much contrast can be a bit confusing!
4/2/2008 c2 pete's sake delete the account
Sorry! I've read this chapter three times already and keep getting called away before I can review.
I'm not sure about seaparating the quotes from the prologue. If it's designed to mark part 1 of a multiple-part book, then maybe that makes sense, but otherwise including one or both quotes at the beginning of this chapter would help the chapter seem longer and keep the prologue and quotes unified.
I know that books often capitalize the beginning sentences, but I'd recommend not bolding anything other than the chapter title. Now, you could have that be the chapter title, but "Mourning Rain" is such a great title by itself.
You have great imagery, like rain making an echo in the deep quiet, but make sure you don't use too much. Make every word count.
Sorry! I've read this chapter three times already and keep getting called away before I can review.
I'm not sure about seaparating the quotes from the prologue. If it's designed to mark part 1 of a multiple-part book, then maybe that makes sense, but otherwise including one or both quotes at the beginning of this chapter would help the chapter seem longer and keep the prologue and quotes unified.
I know that books often capitalize the beginning sentences, but I'd recommend not bolding anything other than the chapter title. Now, you could have that be the chapter title, but "Mourning Rain" is such a great title by itself.
You have great imagery, like rain making an echo in the deep quiet, but make sure you don't use too much. Make every word count.