for Fragment Pieces of Life's Sonnet2/15/2007 c1 
7The Breakdancing Ninja
[He would also remember the emotionless prayer of the priest, the shuffle of unreal mourners, the coughs and fake sobs of fictitious grief, the strong smell of cut, wet grass, and the coffined body laying but four feet in front of him, readily awaiting in its last glory to go underground.] I could see this scene clearly-like in movies, right after someone really awesome dies, they have sort of one of those silent scenes where there's mumbling from the priest and you see people crying, but there are no real words someone could decipher and the funeral looks exactly how it is supposed to look; it doesn't emote as much as it relieves a person who looks for the funeral scene to be a... funeral scene!
The rain seems to be much more poignant and natural than the actual grief-its whole cycle is described from when it falls, it hits the umbrella, spatters against the ground, collects as a puddle of mud. The descending order makes us focus on the ground, or rather, what is underneath the ground.
The descriptions have a reverence for the procession, even if the fictitious mourners don't-it's in the way you write them that emanates sympathy.
['Why was it the ones you loved the most were taken away from you?...' ... God must have been pleased with himself. ... Hell, he lost a son, so why shouldn't society, his creation, feel the same sentiments of loss.] I like that this was written. to a detached observer, it would look like displacement, but the thought and the question are valid and always there: Why does he take away the people we love the most? I think that when people actually go through the loss themselves, they ask the same question. I haven't been to that point yet, and I'm scared of what it's like.
I always wonder about that God that Qwuan brings up, though. That God in the Old Testament who ordered His own people to kill a whole different set of people so they could take over land-that God who, even if Moses was good at heart, kept him from the Promised Land for such a petty mistake. The same God who sent His only Son to die, even when He is all-powerful and could have shown His people any number of ways to actually love one another.
Poor Qwuan, even in his pessimism, his love outweighs anything else. I could see a lot of other people just sort of opting out to giving roses because they let their grief blind them and convince them that they worse off. My aunt's friend had a sister who died, and she really, really loved daisies, but my aunt's friend got- the roses. My aunt was flapping her jaw about it at a party and said it was laziness-though it could have been a combination of a lot of things. I agreed with my aunt though. Even if they're dead, we have to treat their memory as if they're still alive and can see what we do to show how much we love them. Poor Qwuan.
It's weird how the title could be "Morning Rain" (audibly) or "Mouring Rain" (visually). Even though rain on a funeral is dismal, it's also a sign of new life.
I wonder why Judianna closed herself off to everyone; maybe she was ashamed of reaching out and asking for help, or maybe she wanted to deal with things alone-who knows? I'll just wait for the next updates to come.
This was an awesome read, Mosaic, thank you very much!
And rock on!
7The Breakdancing Ninja[He would also remember the emotionless prayer of the priest, the shuffle of unreal mourners, the coughs and fake sobs of fictitious grief, the strong smell of cut, wet grass, and the coffined body laying but four feet in front of him, readily awaiting in its last glory to go underground.] I could see this scene clearly-like in movies, right after someone really awesome dies, they have sort of one of those silent scenes where there's mumbling from the priest and you see people crying, but there are no real words someone could decipher and the funeral looks exactly how it is supposed to look; it doesn't emote as much as it relieves a person who looks for the funeral scene to be a... funeral scene!
The rain seems to be much more poignant and natural than the actual grief-its whole cycle is described from when it falls, it hits the umbrella, spatters against the ground, collects as a puddle of mud. The descending order makes us focus on the ground, or rather, what is underneath the ground.
The descriptions have a reverence for the procession, even if the fictitious mourners don't-it's in the way you write them that emanates sympathy.
['Why was it the ones you loved the most were taken away from you?...' ... God must have been pleased with himself. ... Hell, he lost a son, so why shouldn't society, his creation, feel the same sentiments of loss.] I like that this was written. to a detached observer, it would look like displacement, but the thought and the question are valid and always there: Why does he take away the people we love the most? I think that when people actually go through the loss themselves, they ask the same question. I haven't been to that point yet, and I'm scared of what it's like.
I always wonder about that God that Qwuan brings up, though. That God in the Old Testament who ordered His own people to kill a whole different set of people so they could take over land-that God who, even if Moses was good at heart, kept him from the Promised Land for such a petty mistake. The same God who sent His only Son to die, even when He is all-powerful and could have shown His people any number of ways to actually love one another.
Poor Qwuan, even in his pessimism, his love outweighs anything else. I could see a lot of other people just sort of opting out to giving roses because they let their grief blind them and convince them that they worse off. My aunt's friend had a sister who died, and she really, really loved daisies, but my aunt's friend got- the roses. My aunt was flapping her jaw about it at a party and said it was laziness-though it could have been a combination of a lot of things. I agreed with my aunt though. Even if they're dead, we have to treat their memory as if they're still alive and can see what we do to show how much we love them. Poor Qwuan.
It's weird how the title could be "Morning Rain" (audibly) or "Mouring Rain" (visually). Even though rain on a funeral is dismal, it's also a sign of new life.
I wonder why Judianna closed herself off to everyone; maybe she was ashamed of reaching out and asking for help, or maybe she wanted to deal with things alone-who knows? I'll just wait for the next updates to come.
This was an awesome read, Mosaic, thank you very much!
And rock on!
2/10/2007 c1 829Anaare
When I saw the story had been removed, I was somewhat saddened. I had truly enjoyed reading and I wanted to finish it. But now it's back!
What do I think of the revised version? Well, it's still a very poignant and moving prologue. Quite a visual piece as well. I am certainly looking forward to reading the revised story.
829AnaareWhen I saw the story had been removed, I was somewhat saddened. I had truly enjoyed reading and I wanted to finish it. But now it's back!
What do I think of the revised version? Well, it's still a very poignant and moving prologue. Quite a visual piece as well. I am certainly looking forward to reading the revised story.
2/5/2007 c1 EnigmaticArsenic
Hey, there! Wow, I wasn't expecting to see this up again so soon, but glad to see it nonetheless.
[Taking away all her pain and grief to place it on his more stronger shoulders...] You might want to remove that "more" lol.
[...to go along with pink pedaled carnations...] *petaled, I think.
Short- shorter I think than last time, but my memory's pretty bad when it comes to those sorts of things, so maybe I'm wrong. lol. Nevertheless, it conveys the same sense of melancholy as I remember, a very weighted atmosphere to the story. And yet in a sense, also a bit of stoicism. I think it's good though, because if you can convey the same sentiment in two words as three, less is usually more. One of your other reviewers mentioned they didn't remember the flowers from last time, but I think I do. And it's a nice touch, so I'm glad you kept it because it's a quixotic tendency true to most people, I think, when dealing with loss- they obsess over the little details of the funeral, performing it to what they believe would best please the deceased, though by all practicality, it really doesn't matter.
'Til next time.
Hey, there! Wow, I wasn't expecting to see this up again so soon, but glad to see it nonetheless.
[Taking away all her pain and grief to place it on his more stronger shoulders...] You might want to remove that "more" lol.
[...to go along with pink pedaled carnations...] *petaled, I think.
Short- shorter I think than last time, but my memory's pretty bad when it comes to those sorts of things, so maybe I'm wrong. lol. Nevertheless, it conveys the same sense of melancholy as I remember, a very weighted atmosphere to the story. And yet in a sense, also a bit of stoicism. I think it's good though, because if you can convey the same sentiment in two words as three, less is usually more. One of your other reviewers mentioned they didn't remember the flowers from last time, but I think I do. And it's a nice touch, so I'm glad you kept it because it's a quixotic tendency true to most people, I think, when dealing with loss- they obsess over the little details of the funeral, performing it to what they believe would best please the deceased, though by all practicality, it really doesn't matter.
'Til next time.
2/5/2007 c1 6Running to Stand Still
That was good, but a little too short. It was sad. Keep it up! I am really interested and can't wait to see what happens! Update this soon please!
6Running to Stand StillThat was good, but a little too short. It was sad. Keep it up! I am really interested and can't wait to see what happens! Update this soon please!
2/5/2007 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heya there! It's me again! XD Hope you remember me lol! :P Anyway, glad to see that you're back up again for this story. I thought you have vanished from fp due to your own commitments saying frankly... anyway, for this new chapter, I'll have to say sorry, but I have a sucky memory. Meaning, I don't really find any much difference in this chapter apart from the flowers part mainly due to the problem I've said just now. But now that you're back here again, I hope you can get on with this story till the end. Anyway, thanks for your reviews all the while. Hope to see them again soon for Elven Chronicles and Circles of Arven since I guess it has been ages since you've reviewed them... and yeah, thanks for your review on the latest chapter of Wolfblood as well! Bye! ^^
13Tsumujikaze no SoujutsuHeya there! It's me again! XD Hope you remember me lol! :P Anyway, glad to see that you're back up again for this story. I thought you have vanished from fp due to your own commitments saying frankly... anyway, for this new chapter, I'll have to say sorry, but I have a sucky memory. Meaning, I don't really find any much difference in this chapter apart from the flowers part mainly due to the problem I've said just now. But now that you're back here again, I hope you can get on with this story till the end. Anyway, thanks for your reviews all the while. Hope to see them again soon for Elven Chronicles and Circles of Arven since I guess it has been ages since you've reviewed them... and yeah, thanks for your review on the latest chapter of Wolfblood as well! Bye! ^^
2/5/2007 c1 2Sir Scott
I look forward to reading this story. It's a pretty sad start. It's hard for me to remember the first version of this story, but I think it is because I have read and written so much lately. I was wondered if the dead knew or didn't know if you honored their last wishes.
And the fact that it was raining at the funeral is really true to life.
~SirScott
2Sir ScottI look forward to reading this story. It's a pretty sad start. It's hard for me to remember the first version of this story, but I think it is because I have read and written so much lately. I was wondered if the dead knew or didn't know if you honored their last wishes.
And the fact that it was raining at the funeral is really true to life.
~SirScott