for Radioactivate6/26/2007 c1 
65Stella Grimshaw
Your rhyme scheme was awesome how you entwined the last stanza with the stanza. Great Work.
65Stella GrimshawYour rhyme scheme was awesome how you entwined the last stanza with the stanza. Great Work.
4/27/2007 c1 9InSilverShadows
Your review on powdered milk interests me greatly, because yes, I have tried. And yes, I do know. But I'd like to let you know that it prompted a lot of thought, and that it made me laugh.
9InSilverShadowsYour review on powdered milk interests me greatly, because yes, I have tried. And yes, I do know. But I'd like to let you know that it prompted a lot of thought, and that it made me laugh.
4/22/2007 c1 30Alameda
It's almost too dense. But nothing can be too dense, even if it's begging to be performed like this sort of thing what with the internal wordplay and that jazz. I dunno. Funkadelic it does be. Isn't blank verse meant to be devoid of rhyme?
30AlamedaIt's almost too dense. But nothing can be too dense, even if it's begging to be performed like this sort of thing what with the internal wordplay and that jazz. I dunno. Funkadelic it does be. Isn't blank verse meant to be devoid of rhyme?
4/9/2007 c1 hey maria
I won't pretend to understand this; most of it went over my head. The summary intrigued me. Schizophrenia with a point? I took that to mean, well, it may seem scattered but it's not meaningless. There's a point to it. But the words are also pointed in a different sense, sort of harsh and detached and sharp. "Empathy locked in a kerosene spine," I think that would sum it up. Anyway, like the mind of a schizophrenic, this is hard to decipher. Except for you, maybe, since you wrote it. But I liked the last lines especially, because it says "always still alive". The "still" gives it an air of optimism, like, I'm going crazy but at least I'm still alive. At least. Nice job.
I won't pretend to understand this; most of it went over my head. The summary intrigued me. Schizophrenia with a point? I took that to mean, well, it may seem scattered but it's not meaningless. There's a point to it. But the words are also pointed in a different sense, sort of harsh and detached and sharp. "Empathy locked in a kerosene spine," I think that would sum it up. Anyway, like the mind of a schizophrenic, this is hard to decipher. Except for you, maybe, since you wrote it. But I liked the last lines especially, because it says "always still alive". The "still" gives it an air of optimism, like, I'm going crazy but at least I'm still alive. At least. Nice job.
2/7/2007 c1 102Midnight In Eden
Scrap your period or punctuate this whole thing. I'd recommend the latter since while some poetry can survive without it, I feel this needs it.
"(I can't tell left from right anymore)" Try to rework that idea. It feels so flat and cliched.
Also why do the "&&", it's very teenage amateurish and you don't need it. That whole stanza could do well to rid itself of the ands I think. It's a boring transistion that does little.
With the last section, I'd make sure the "i" was capitalised. It reads sloppy otherwise. With the repetition before that, it's not too bad but I don't feel it's needed. I quite like how you've got alkaline and anodyne but do you need "all the tragedy" and "all the misery"? It sounds quite self-pitying.
You've got some great language in here but I really think you need to punctuate this or reformat it. There are areas where pauses feel needed and you give none.
Why start with "get off" on it's own line either? Your first line should be just as powerful as the language you put forth.
.:midnight:.
102Midnight In EdenScrap your period or punctuate this whole thing. I'd recommend the latter since while some poetry can survive without it, I feel this needs it.
"(I can't tell left from right anymore)" Try to rework that idea. It feels so flat and cliched.
Also why do the "&&", it's very teenage amateurish and you don't need it. That whole stanza could do well to rid itself of the ands I think. It's a boring transistion that does little.
With the last section, I'd make sure the "i" was capitalised. It reads sloppy otherwise. With the repetition before that, it's not too bad but I don't feel it's needed. I quite like how you've got alkaline and anodyne but do you need "all the tragedy" and "all the misery"? It sounds quite self-pitying.
You've got some great language in here but I really think you need to punctuate this or reformat it. There are areas where pauses feel needed and you give none.
Why start with "get off" on it's own line either? Your first line should be just as powerful as the language you put forth.
.:midnight:.
2/6/2007 c1 Sheila Ibrahim
...This. well, i've got to re-read this. There's no saying anyting about this. I'd probably just meander about looking for a way to describe it and end up getting a migraine...
So i'll stick to simple words.
Mind-boggling.
You've made me feel like I've been chopped, butchered, and stuffed in a blender, poured into the decanter of an anorexic diet freak. I dunno why. Maybe it's haunting. Or- well i can't say anything. It's too freaking awesome.
...This. well, i've got to re-read this. There's no saying anyting about this. I'd probably just meander about looking for a way to describe it and end up getting a migraine...
So i'll stick to simple words.
Mind-boggling.
You've made me feel like I've been chopped, butchered, and stuffed in a blender, poured into the decanter of an anorexic diet freak. I dunno why. Maybe it's haunting. Or- well i can't say anything. It's too freaking awesome.