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2/6/2007 c1 102Midnight In Eden
I think there might be some good in repunctuating this. It flows far too fast without a few periods and more commas. Perhaps also if you do that, look at cleaning out the four "and"s you have. While there are only a few, it's a boring transistion and I think you could do quite well without them.

Also perhaps replace "coz" with "because", it feels a little amateurish seeing that.

Otherwise, it's not bad. Direct and telling.


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