for First Hour2/6/2007 c1 
102Midnight In Eden
I think there might be some good in repunctuating this. It flows far too fast without a few periods and more commas. Perhaps also if you do that, look at cleaning out the four "and"s you have. While there are only a few, it's a boring transistion and I think you could do quite well without them.
Also perhaps replace "coz" with "because", it feels a little amateurish seeing that.
Otherwise, it's not bad. Direct and telling.
.:midnight:.
102Midnight In EdenI think there might be some good in repunctuating this. It flows far too fast without a few periods and more commas. Perhaps also if you do that, look at cleaning out the four "and"s you have. While there are only a few, it's a boring transistion and I think you could do quite well without them.
Also perhaps replace "coz" with "because", it feels a little amateurish seeing that.
Otherwise, it's not bad. Direct and telling.
.:midnight:.