Just In
for Following the Fox

3/20/2013 c1 1necromancer66
Hey, I like your story. Granted I only read one chapter, the concept is pretty good. I only have to say that simply switching from one character talking to another. For example, in the sentence:

"The last guy you 'thought I'd like' tried to kill me." Aiden said.
"I didn't say that they would like you." He said.
Try to add some descriptive wordplay that builds the character:

"The last guy you 'thought I'd like' tried to kill me" Aiden muttered in a sarcastic tone. The devil hissed at the foxgirl, a sly smile on his face.
"I didn't say they would like you!" He snickered with a dark glare in his eye.

Something like that, where it builds character. But other than that keep up the good work!
5/24/2009 c15 2KitsunegirlforNaruto
wow that was really good!keep it up! ^^
4/12/2009 c1 KitsunegirlforNaruto
yay can't wait to read more!
6/1/2008 c15 19abby2read
nice. and if I say that lots its cause I'm at a loss for words
3/29/2008 c15 iamzpyro
Dark humor, very nice.

"Yellow tomatoes," so random, yet so awesome.

"She rolled her eyes and went back to playing checkers with Andrew." I thought they were playing chess.

I like the vision of hell, not just fire and brimstone, but pointy water too. The characters need a little more emotional depth, although your descriptions are great, painting a picture of the characters without getting repetitive.

The plot is a fresh take on the "demon" thing, combined with a dash of high school commentary. It's all well and good, but you should work a little on transitions, they are a little jarring.
1/8/2008 c15 13FM Radio
update this. End of discussion.
4/20/2007 c1 5TheCrystalMaiden
Lol, humorous so far, in a kinda dark way. :P Keep up the good work!
3/26/2007 c8 4CascaOzy
It's good. I'd definitely agree with some of the others. There are a few places where it definitely could use some more vivid imagery. Personally the plot seems a little (for lack of a better word)trite but even so it presents it well. Keep it up.
2/24/2007 c5 8rikufanattic
I love this story so far, besides I like kitsune. It's original so I give it props. I'll be looking forward to this story. Heh, I have a thing for kitsune's maybe that's why I wrote one about a kitsune too... Oh well who the heck knows what goes on in my head!

But, yeah it is interesting, but don't forget to add depth into the characters just a bit more, that's all I can say. Keep writing and I'll keep reviewing.
2/24/2007 c1 1dark-skies
The story is very unique and I like it a lot :) My only advice, to add just a little more...imagery? To make it a little more vivid and detailic.
2/14/2007 c3 4Leinnansidhe
Dude... you used 'un-froufroued'. You officially are my favourite person EVER!

And I love the story thus far. The dialogue sounds so real, it's fantastic. This descriptions are also great, I get a good mental picture, but with enough room for the image to be added to with my own imagination; it's definitely novel material. I'd buy it in a heartbeat
2/10/2007 c2 4Akimoto Sakura
hmm...nice...i like the direction you're bringing your story to... keep writing! are you gonna give the characters more personality, makes it easier to recognise them.
2/10/2007 c2 8TwilightReverie
Ahh, i see where your going with this...maybe...probably not, BUT STILL, i like. *blushes* I really dont make making suggestions as i have been because its not my work but yours, but is there any reason why you dont refer to "satan" as Lucifer? I personally like that name alot more and it kinda makes it sound a little betta than chattin wit the devil.

Trenchcoat significance ey? sounds good then, yeah, it does seem to suit her betta than most of the other's who use to (gunslinging guys who are constantly chased by people wanting to kill them).

2/9/2007 c1 TwilightReverie
crits ey? how harshly do u desire?

U ALMOST lost me at the mention of a trench coat (as like many, ive been down that way with character attire and it just annoys me now because SO many people use it) yet, u regained me with the bowler hat, as they are awesome ^_^ I like the idea u set out in your summery quite abit, 1 tail for each level or whatever, though the whole "queen of hell" title and the steriotypical devil image didnt really sit well with me. The teenager, making friends and partying thing is always good, especially when your reader is in that age group...and...yeah, all up i rather liked it and ill probably start reading the next chapter now. Sorry if this review was a little too critical.
2/9/2007 c1 1RARivers
can't wait to read more.

sorry but i'm not very good at the editing thing.
16 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service