for Repression11/16/2008 c1 blueskye13
Wow... dark and twisted. that was really intense, for some reason it brings to mind dungeons.i really like it...
Wow... dark and twisted. that was really intense, for some reason it brings to mind dungeons.i really like it...
11/8/2007 c1 
5LizardtheScribe
The image of a man standing over the caved out corpse of a woman with a fetus between his teeth will now repulse and haunt me for a very long time. Nice work on setting the mood, especially with a shocker like that at the end of the story. You used very good limitation to the description of the father's actions- it was neither understated nor too wordy. Also, your imagery is very good. Keep up the good work, and your story will be the reason I won't sleep for several weeks!
5LizardtheScribeThe image of a man standing over the caved out corpse of a woman with a fetus between his teeth will now repulse and haunt me for a very long time. Nice work on setting the mood, especially with a shocker like that at the end of the story. You used very good limitation to the description of the father's actions- it was neither understated nor too wordy. Also, your imagery is very good. Keep up the good work, and your story will be the reason I won't sleep for several weeks!
9/27/2007 c1 10DarkBlysse
Hey, Onar! Review Game time! :D
First off, I picked this one and not Hel, because the whole collab thing interested me more.
"I was but a small child then, I doubt I was any older than eight, the storm was an abomination to my child-like senses."
-This really should be broken up into two sentences. One that has the bit about their age, and then separate how scary the storm was.
"...abominable..."-This is the second time in just a few lines that you've used that word, or a derivative of it. Try to find a synonym for it.
:O...
Well, now that I am able to type again-Goddamnit, that's sick. Like, insanely f*cking so. But you wrote it really well, though. Just... eugh. Gross. O.o;; Why in the hell was it in his -mouth-?
This was pretty good overall, but the ending was a little too abrupt for me. It didn't wrap up anything for me, really.
-Blysse
10DarkBlysseHey, Onar! Review Game time! :D
First off, I picked this one and not Hel, because the whole collab thing interested me more.
"I was but a small child then, I doubt I was any older than eight, the storm was an abomination to my child-like senses."
-This really should be broken up into two sentences. One that has the bit about their age, and then separate how scary the storm was.
"...abominable..."-This is the second time in just a few lines that you've used that word, or a derivative of it. Try to find a synonym for it.
:O...
Well, now that I am able to type again-Goddamnit, that's sick. Like, insanely f*cking so. But you wrote it really well, though. Just... eugh. Gross. O.o;; Why in the hell was it in his -mouth-?
This was pretty good overall, but the ending was a little too abrupt for me. It didn't wrap up anything for me, really.
-Blysse
6/7/2007 c1 6Ivory Byrd
yay! i love it! (ignore her she finds glee in these things) it was really well described and i could see it all in my minds eye, is it just a oneshot? i hope not because its really great!
6Ivory Byrdyay! i love it! (ignore her she finds glee in these things) it was really well described and i could see it all in my minds eye, is it just a oneshot? i hope not because its really great!
5/31/2007 c1 2InViSiBlE wOmAn
Incredibly vivid! As you said twisted, but still amazing, excellent job!
2InViSiBlE wOmAnIncredibly vivid! As you said twisted, but still amazing, excellent job!
4/16/2007 c1 2Christopher T. Brown
Wow. That was intense, especially at the end with the father. It doesn't need more, but it might be interesting to see where it goes.
2Christopher T. BrownWow. That was intense, especially at the end with the father. It doesn't need more, but it might be interesting to see where it goes.
2/28/2007 c1 46antigonelives
That is awesomely dark, and honestly speaking? Same idea was in my head, too... don't know whether it makes us crazy or not! You wrote this well.
46antigonelivesThat is awesomely dark, and honestly speaking? Same idea was in my head, too... don't know whether it makes us crazy or not! You wrote this well.
2/14/2007 c1 4a smile goes unnoticed
i love it. beautiful, sick, warped, twisted, whatever you want to call it, it doesnt matter because its just... cool.
thanks for the review.
keep up the good work
-x-
4a smile goes unnoticedi love it. beautiful, sick, warped, twisted, whatever you want to call it, it doesnt matter because its just... cool.
thanks for the review.
keep up the good work
-x-