for May I Please Have My Heart Back?6/10/2012 c1 
9mussed
I swear this girl could have been me. oh my god I don't know if I should laugh or...
9mussedI swear this girl could have been me. oh my god I don't know if I should laugh or...
4/13/2012 c1 4marshmallowfluffs
How did you manage to peek in my diary and found that entry I never dared to write? Painfully embarrassingly true this is...
4marshmallowfluffsHow did you manage to peek in my diary and found that entry I never dared to write? Painfully embarrassingly true this is...
6/18/2011 c1 5breatheyou7
oh great one! I actually "fell in love" with them during this short one-shot even! That's something. Wish it was a story:P
5breatheyou7oh great one! I actually "fell in love" with them during this short one-shot even! That's something. Wish it was a story:P
7/13/2010 c1 2elma
okay i'll review
it was effective stream of consciousness, leading us from one point of thinking to another, by the time we get to the end, we can really empathise with her!
but then i just feel SO sorry for her...
so yes, it was quite nicely written but wasn't heart breakingly sad- it was kind of too "normal" for that, it kind of just left me with an unsatisfying feeling
and umm... to fix that I think she needs some kind of spunk, some kind of independence. to be strong enough to say 'i don't need you' and from then on she'd be better :)
keep writing!
2elmaokay i'll review
it was effective stream of consciousness, leading us from one point of thinking to another, by the time we get to the end, we can really empathise with her!
but then i just feel SO sorry for her...
so yes, it was quite nicely written but wasn't heart breakingly sad- it was kind of too "normal" for that, it kind of just left me with an unsatisfying feeling
and umm... to fix that I think she needs some kind of spunk, some kind of independence. to be strong enough to say 'i don't need you' and from then on she'd be better :)
keep writing!
3/11/2010 c1 RebEccA
Aw so true and so depressing.
'Like a hundred thousand knives stabbing me in the heart.' Nice choice of words.
The ending was also really emotional. It really displayed the emotions she felt at his ignorance.
"Well, I thought I had moved on. I guess I was wrong. I still see you. Unfortunately, my mind says. While my heart is screaming the exact opposite. Every time I see you flick that perfect hair of yours, a little part of me dies, knowing that I will never be able to run my hands through your hair as I did in my dreams."
That was REALLY well expressed.
First one shot! Amazing! You're really talented :)
Keep writing and keep up the good work!
~R
Aw so true and so depressing.
'Like a hundred thousand knives stabbing me in the heart.' Nice choice of words.
The ending was also really emotional. It really displayed the emotions she felt at his ignorance.
"Well, I thought I had moved on. I guess I was wrong. I still see you. Unfortunately, my mind says. While my heart is screaming the exact opposite. Every time I see you flick that perfect hair of yours, a little part of me dies, knowing that I will never be able to run my hands through your hair as I did in my dreams."
That was REALLY well expressed.
First one shot! Amazing! You're really talented :)
Keep writing and keep up the good work!
~R
7/7/2008 c1 2Tetelestai
This was really good! The entire time I was nodding to myself, since I've done the exact same thing throught junior high/senior high hahaha. Depressing one-shot, but true for a lot of people.
Good job!
2TetelestaiThis was really good! The entire time I was nodding to myself, since I've done the exact same thing throught junior high/senior high hahaha. Depressing one-shot, but true for a lot of people.
Good job!
6/24/2008 c1 Girl
Wow.
For your first time writing a one-shot, this is really good.
I liked it a lot, although I thought the ending was a bit cut off.
Adding another paragraph wouldn't hurt but that's just my opinion.
Overall, very good job.
Can't wait to read more. :)
Wow.
For your first time writing a one-shot, this is really good.
I liked it a lot, although I thought the ending was a bit cut off.
Adding another paragraph wouldn't hurt but that's just my opinion.
Overall, very good job.
Can't wait to read more. :)
6/24/2008 c1 3emotionless-stares
This was sad but yea it was really good especially since it's your first time. I can empathize. I hope you write more.
3emotionless-staresThis was sad but yea it was really good especially since it's your first time. I can empathize. I hope you write more.
6/23/2008 c1 7monkeybar ohmaniac
That... was... too... amazing.
I absolutely loved this oneshot! So sweet, yet so sad. I have to say, if this is your first fic, well, you better start writing more, cause I'll have to stalk your stories. (when you do write them, of course! ~wink wink~) It made me remind myself that I also did have that special person in my heart, (cheesy, isn't that), but I could never reach him in reality. Eh, it's true.
So, bravo on this story, and I'll be waiting for more!
~The Platypus
:D
7monkeybar ohmaniacThat... was... too... amazing.
I absolutely loved this oneshot! So sweet, yet so sad. I have to say, if this is your first fic, well, you better start writing more, cause I'll have to stalk your stories. (when you do write them, of course! ~wink wink~) It made me remind myself that I also did have that special person in my heart, (cheesy, isn't that), but I could never reach him in reality. Eh, it's true.
So, bravo on this story, and I'll be waiting for more!
~The Platypus
:D
6/22/2008 c1 7x.betweenthelines
Wow, this is amazing.
Her emotions were beautifully described.
Love it!
Good job for your first story.
7x.betweenthelinesWow, this is amazing.
Her emotions were beautifully described.
Love it!
Good job for your first story.
6/22/2008 c1 9Lily Llynn
Oh, this is depressing. But it's well-written and the emotions are easily felt by the reader. We feel her pain and her heartbreak, and we sympathize with her. I also like this because it's not traditional fluff - we don't always have happy endings. I think this is awesome, and I'm going to now add it to my c2. (:
9Lily LlynnOh, this is depressing. But it's well-written and the emotions are easily felt by the reader. We feel her pain and her heartbreak, and we sympathize with her. I also like this because it's not traditional fluff - we don't always have happy endings. I think this is awesome, and I'm going to now add it to my c2. (: