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for the doll wont wear her dress

2/12/2007 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, incredible piece. I really love stream-of-consciousness, so when I realized that's what this was, I automatically got excited. I just love the picture of the narrator I get in my head from reading this. I'm picturing an older black man, from the deep South, who keeps talking about a girl he once had years ago, and he wants what the white people have, this house on a pretty pretty black paved road. That's amazing that I got that from just words. I'm sure that's not what you meant by this at all, but poetry is there to be analyzed, so that's what I'm doing. Love it. Great imagery, great word usage, and of course, the format is a favorite of mine. Gorgeous. Keep writing! :)
2/11/2007 c1 57water lily nymph
the formatting of this is so unusual and wonderfully creative - not to mention the abstract use of vocabulary. (it's refreshing to read something by someone who has one.) very nice work on this, and thank you for the sweet review. :)
2/10/2007 c1 879Moondog Dozier
I like the thought process, and the inner consciousness that this represents. I really, really like how you have no real punctuation. It makes this a stream of thought. A true stream of thought, and emotion. How it should be. To me, it's kind of like you've taken snapshots of a situation, and overlapped them just enough that the consistency of flow regulates the pace. Very well written.

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