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2/18/2007 c1 879Moondog Dozier
Wow. This has a speed and pacing that really works. The use of sound aspects, alliteration, and the sheer audibility of this makes it a marvelous read. "horseshoes trotting- across her palms", "they're all too visable-in the fabric-free -nudity of night- mirror-dances", gives this such a tangible atmosphere. Very well written. MD:77.
2/16/2007 c1 134emeraude-irlandais
I always adore hyphenations, and you have some excellent ones here. My personal favorites would be "scratch-catch" and "mirror-dances"- is there a particular reason for the excessive use and then complete absence in the final lines? Just curious. The imagery itself could be somewhat stronger, somewhat fresher, but you've got a few excellent lines here, especially "pause on the/horseshoes trotting across her palms". `~bella~`

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