3/30/2011 c18 4Reeciez
Well, first of all I'd like to say my eyes are very sore due to my reading this entire story in three hours with one potty break and shoving a plate of dinner down my throat while I was reading. Yea, it was sorta addicting to me and I just couldn't stop reading. You've got a crazy fan-girl to deal with now~

Okay, I'm sorta gonna combine my overall view of this story so far and it's positively wonderful! Sorta cute, romantic, deep, sad, funny, sad again XD, then spontaneous. I'm hoping Kale gets on good terms with his 'best friend' and if not at least I hope he can see Macario. The whole situation between Jake and Nick confuses me cause I've never been in a relationship but I am happy for Micah and River. They sort of balance each other out I guess. This Jericho guy needs to jump off a cliff or get some serious help, back off the people who already have enough problems!

Okay, I'm sorta done for now. Other than the fact that Macario's too nice teacher gets on my nerves, darn pedophile staring down his shirt using bruises as an excuse, I'm completely fine with this story. Please update soon! ~^,^~

2/17/2011 c18 8TinaLouise
I think I started reading this story a while back but then, for some odd reason or another, didn't put it on my favorites list. I'm glad I found it again.

I'm curious as to what will become of Jericho, especially now that we have a bit more insight into his pathos.

2/10/2011 c9 Sarah Jones
This is okay, but there are some things that make it really hard to read. The main thing is the continuous switching of POVs - It really disrupts the flow of the story at times, particularly when, for example, in chapter nine there's seven changes of perspectives throughout, one of them (Nicky's POV before River's) only three short paragraphs long. And there are so many different character perspectives that it gets confusing and almost irritating trying to keep up. While I appreciate that life's complex and not everything revolves around only a few people and their lives, there's too much going on at once. I think you're trying to cram too much in.

Why not focus on Marcario's life (giving the perspective of one or two other major characters - like his brother's and Kale's) and focus on the relationships of Micah/Rivers, Micah/Jacob, Jacob/Nicky, Nicky/Rivers, etc. in other stories? It's hard to explain, but I mean like in Ryette's story 'The Band Geek Dictionary' - in chapter 21 and 24 particularly - the views of all the characters weren't given for everything that went on, and in another story called 'Just Because', one of the main characters who didn't have a POV in 'TBGD' was made the main character and focus of that story. In chapter 24 of 'TBGD' for example, the character gives a general explanation to another about what's going on in his life, but the reader only learns the details and lives through it with the character in 'Just Because'.

I also agree with the reviews that Josephine Stone left as well - there are some plot holes from what I've read so far (what was the conversation Kale, Macario and his brother needed to have?) and your characters are too similar. Mention some other characters - even if they're not relevant to the main plot line, just regular people like teachers, other students, neighbours, strangers. As said before, it would balance out the story and make it a lot more realistic.

It's got some good ideas in it, don't get me wrong. But this POV and character thing are things that are really holding me back from enjoying it completely. Take what I've said as constructive criticism and don't be too down heartened, but please think about what I've said. Good luck with your writing.

1/26/2011 c18 Faiyaa
Hey, so FP is being kind of dumb so I can't log in. I am a avid reader and i'm surprised at the direction of the story. I could have swore Jericho was going to be a love interest of Macario. By this I mean (Jericho liking him( because I swear when Jericho beat him up the firt time he was doing some kind of innapropiate touching. I'm not too sure. However, the story is great. Keep on writing.

1/24/2011 c18 3Ty Taco
I love this story.

I liked the messed up Jericho insight.

Can't wait for chapter 19!

xoxoxo,

Ty

1/24/2011 c3 1984
I like Kale. A lot of your characters seem the same, like they all have long black hair, but at different lengths. I'm sure there are a lot of difference, but that is all that you've mentioned so far besides piercings. Which you also have two characters with piercings. And Macario seems to think every guy is hot, at least everyone that has been introduced so far, who all seem to be gay.

What I'm meaning to say is that they all seem to much like each other. It's hard for me to differentiate them, because the only thing you've describe are things that are similar in each other. Except Jacob with blue hair.

Though judging by the names I'm thinking that maybe they are supposed to Mexican? Therefore, black hair would be very common. So it would also not be worth mentioning, because everyone would have black hair. It would be like in 'Queer as Folk' every time a new character was mentioned they also mentioned they were gay. It's pointless, because they are a group of homosexual friends, that most of the scenes are in a gay bar. It's assumed that all those people are gay, just like it is assumed that in a high school most people are straight.

Though since he is living in a primarily straight neighborhood and going to a high school, even though straight characters aren't going to be romantic interests to him. It would balance out how much your characters are alike, by mentioning a teacher, or another neighbor.

Something that would also help would be if a couple of your characters have the same characteristics tell us what Macario thinks about them. Like with the piercings. You could say that he is surprised to see so many piercing on someone at school, since not many people have them there. Or that it reminds him of Jacob, or that they don't or do look go on the character.

The story itself is really good and I'm very interested in what will happen next.

1/23/2011 c18 kookoos
updates rule !