2/27/2007 c1 49The Reverse Edge Blade
I liked how you described Cassandra's dress. It was so easy to see in front of me, so well-described! I liked how you described what things looked like that way! Keep that up, it's great!

Now unto something else.

I feel that this story would've done better without all the adjectives to describe the situation in it. Like when you wrote "She was so terribly weary of her life and the hardships she had been dealt." I know that your purpose behind the words "terribly weary" is to make it clear how Cassandra feels, but with such a strong adjective, the effect becomes that it gets like "Whoa, that's unbelievably rough!" to the reader. I hope this doesn't feel like slaughter critique to you, pal. I want you to do well.

Please work on not using such strong adjectives in a story. Let the reader imagine it and see it for himself/herself. It becomes a better text that way.

The Reverse Edge Blade

(formerly Uchiha Aywin)

PS: Wanna check out my story?