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for Drown Me

7/10/2009 c1 9Narq
Wow, this was really good and the rythem was good as well. What you should do know is clear up the formatting a bit. If you hold down shift and enter in FP it doesn't become double spacing and then you can play around with stanzas rather than laying everytyhing out line by line.

Great work!

Narq.
7/3/2009 c1 26ThatGirlInBlack
i love this poem. its very dark morbid and angst-y and i love that :)
5/7/2007 c1 Yuval
It's slightly morbid, but that's okay; if it's meant to evoke a feeling of despair, you've done a good job. I especially like the term "foliage of grief," it's a powerful image.
5/6/2007 c1 1Vagrance
I'll be constructive (or at least try):

Your poem is a little dark, but nonetheless, an interesting read. The formatting helps add to the feeling of a desperate, seperate character...

What can I say? It's good; maybe lightening up a litte? ^^

Thanks for reviewing my story, by the way. You're a great encouragement.
2/18/2007 c1 16Ds14
I like how you used words that were specific enough to give the feeling of drowning in water. But were vague enough to easily have been describing drowning in sorrow or grief or something else. Hidden meanings = +10 awesome points.

Also, I'm assuming the long column format that this is in is supposed to suggest drowning. It worked and it was a cool touch.

And for the final thing I liked was the first word at the top of the drowning column was I Stay and the last word at the bottom was Dying. Sweet.

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