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7/29/2006 c1 highly-unusual
I like the story. It's really good but I think you should work on the ending some. There's something weird about the Jesus scene, no offence. Did you ever consider ending this story tragically?
3/18/2004 c1 james
i like it. i dont think there is much to change, but i just speed-read the story, i didnt try to pick out all the mistakes, like *some* ppl. i also think you should try to continue this story. tpye thing.
6/13/2003 c1 11T III
i dont know what to say other than wow, this is an incredibly emotional piece and interestingly written. the only thing id comment on is something ive always found to be a problem and it seems to show a little in your work as well as mine: dialogue/monologues, theres a couple of lines that sound a little odd when spoken, try to make it sound more alive as though the person would actually say that rather than something that seems a little flat (no offense meant cause i really like this just ive always found that speech can sound forced occasionally). and yeah i think you should continue, id really love to find out what happens to this "lost soul" kinda thing. and yeah you can use my songs if you like just so long as i get to see the story before you post it and as long as i get credited for them. other than that hope to read more of your stuff soon

3/27/2001 c1 1Akemi
Why isn't anyone reveiwing this :( C'mon! All you have to do is make a review good or bad and submit it! PLEAZZZZ
3/19/2001 c1 Blaqtalon
I'd be interested in knowing where this could go. You mentioned grammatical errors, there are some, nothing that is jsut glaring..., ok, there is one, but I won't mention it. You should get into the habit of writing using all the rules of writing, and proofing your work, even if you expect it to be proofed again. We can't catch everything, I know I don't. But if you tend to write without using correct puctuation, it could come back to haunt you. Otherwise, I think the story could go further if you intend to.

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