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6/10/2007 c1 13sunscraped
"can they hear it?"

what are you trying to say here? this is the only time 'they' is mentioned.

mostly this doesn't give much of an impression of murder. the imagery is few and far in between and you haven't used any discernable literary techniques to spice it up. more or less, looks like a rough go.
3/30/2007 c1 1Mr. Magic
Hey ig! it's Magic! I'm back! woohoo! no more forums though. oh well, i'll live. i really liked this. i personally love emo poetry and this was very emo! nice job!

Magic
3/27/2007 c1 chibi dragons
i got chills. good job, its very... alluring. its great.
3/18/2007 c1 jccrazy
Your poem is off-rhythm, but not really in a way that makes sense for free verse. Then again, who am I to criticize something like that? Otherwise Emily Dickinson would never have been published.

The message, if it does indeed have a message and I'm not just crazy, seems pretty apparent and relavent.
2/27/2007 c1 2sicklysnowwhite
discripive! good! rather dark and dreary, very... malicious. i like it.
2/24/2007 c1 The Intelligent Designer
Dark, scary, and unbelievably criminal in its mastery of cool, emo poetry...nice, but, ya know, not.
2/22/2007 c1 28TheAngelofhope
not a bad Poem. Good job. :)

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