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for It is the Next Step, but the Same Journey

3/6/2007 c1 65Nemonus
Cool. This could mean a lot, about life or religion journeys. Good lines. The capital letters make it sound fantasy-y and established, also mysterious. Some sentences are confusing; "Though the same Storm follows/us on its anxious winds, woeful gasps/of innocent fright." This has no verb and therefor I am left wondering what exactly the gasps are related to. Thinking about it again though, "woeful gasps of innocent fright" is a delightful phrase. "We step into work hard at what we’ve/developed,"; this seems to have a typo, where you wanted a word or a complete replacement which was not completed in "We step into work hard". That or it is meant to be 'We step in to work hard'?

I like the almost familial, comfortable ambiance of the things in capital letters, like "We wait for/the Storm to whisper that he Understands." Very good, and deserves reading again untill maybe it's understood better.
2/27/2007 c1 879Moondog Dozier
I like the emphasis that you've provided with the capital letters interspersed throughout. "caress assurances into the skin", is excellent phrasework. I also like the philosophical broadness that this delves into. Very thought provoking. well done. MD:77.
2/26/2007 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
Wow, quite the philosophical and fantastical piece. It reminds me of Greek mythology, with the personification of the storm. I do like what you've done with the capitalization thoughout this - I did that in a poem I wrote inspired by Virginia Woolf's writing. I just glanced back and my eyes alit on a line: "The Light waits just beyond the Thunder, trying to recall us Home." That is so beautiful. And how it was just randomly something I glanced at...Amazing. Very pretty piece, different than a lot of what I read. Keep writing! :)

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