for Sebastian Bear Invisible Pervert3/17/2011 c21 Pumpkin.-.-.Kween
I review stories whether I like them or not because I think as a reader we owe the writter that much for being brave enough to put their work out there in the first place. I'm brutally honest in my reviews and to be truthful, most of the time stories are lacking a lot.
I have to tell you, you're story is one of my favorite stories on FP. You get a ton of points for sheer creativity alone. The story was well thought out and your descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the faraway lands you were writting about. I'm very impressed. You are very talented and I will definately be reading more of your stories. I don't read a story until it is complete so as badly as I want to read the Lucian story, I'll try my best to practice patience, wish me luck with that :).
The only things I would have changed about the story is the overly horny thing with Sebastian in the beginning. It was a bit too much for me... unless you made Sebastian a virgin, which if Im being honest, I think you should have done. If he grew up (atleast through his teenage years) in a Hell world, sex would be the last thing on his mind even IF he was a hormonal teenager. The only thing that would have made me believe the over active hormones thing would be if he hadn't ever had sex before. I think you shouldve had Sebastian tell her he was a virgin at the end during the sex scene. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth... which um.. is apparently 2 cents? hm. *cocks eyebrow and looks around room ackwardly*
well, thanks 4 entertaining my brain.
I review stories whether I like them or not because I think as a reader we owe the writter that much for being brave enough to put their work out there in the first place. I'm brutally honest in my reviews and to be truthful, most of the time stories are lacking a lot.
I have to tell you, you're story is one of my favorite stories on FP. You get a ton of points for sheer creativity alone. The story was well thought out and your descriptions made it easy for me to imagine the faraway lands you were writting about. I'm very impressed. You are very talented and I will definately be reading more of your stories. I don't read a story until it is complete so as badly as I want to read the Lucian story, I'll try my best to practice patience, wish me luck with that :).
The only things I would have changed about the story is the overly horny thing with Sebastian in the beginning. It was a bit too much for me... unless you made Sebastian a virgin, which if Im being honest, I think you should have done. If he grew up (atleast through his teenage years) in a Hell world, sex would be the last thing on his mind even IF he was a hormonal teenager. The only thing that would have made me believe the over active hormones thing would be if he hadn't ever had sex before. I think you shouldve had Sebastian tell her he was a virgin at the end during the sex scene. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth... which um.. is apparently 2 cents? hm. *cocks eyebrow and looks around room ackwardly*
well, thanks 4 entertaining my brain.
2/28/2011 c21 The Imagination Addict
hey! i absolutely loved this story! i love that u decided to keep their secks for after the wedding. i love the vivid colour and descriptions u write. i love the characterisation and relationships between ur characters-esp the fights in contrast with cheekiness and yet pure love and friendship between madsy and seb. (n gosh i love their nicknames)
the only thing i can think of for u to improve is the first 2 chpts. i find madsy's attitude change towards nolan way too abrupt, tho she consistently dislikes him afterwards. there is a little sense of something not quite right about her constant stating that nolan is her best friend, as if she is trying to convince herself. but it would be good if u could add a little more doubt incrementally so by the time seb turns up, her dislike for nolan isnt so sudden.
thats all! n keep writing! the best thing abt this story is its originality in terms of world creation. theres plenty of stories out there about vamps and weres, but yours is just a completely new world ur sharing w us lucky readers. :)
hey! i absolutely loved this story! i love that u decided to keep their secks for after the wedding. i love the vivid colour and descriptions u write. i love the characterisation and relationships between ur characters-esp the fights in contrast with cheekiness and yet pure love and friendship between madsy and seb. (n gosh i love their nicknames)
the only thing i can think of for u to improve is the first 2 chpts. i find madsy's attitude change towards nolan way too abrupt, tho she consistently dislikes him afterwards. there is a little sense of something not quite right about her constant stating that nolan is her best friend, as if she is trying to convince herself. but it would be good if u could add a little more doubt incrementally so by the time seb turns up, her dislike for nolan isnt so sudden.
thats all! n keep writing! the best thing abt this story is its originality in terms of world creation. theres plenty of stories out there about vamps and weres, but yours is just a completely new world ur sharing w us lucky readers. :)
2/26/2011 c21 silviaxvivalavida
Can I start off with your story is AMAZING? I loved every single chapter, it was so addictive. This story has been unlike any other I have read, truly one of a kind. You're an amazing writer! Keep it up.
Can I start off with your story is AMAZING? I loved every single chapter, it was so addictive. This story has been unlike any other I have read, truly one of a kind. You're an amazing writer! Keep it up.
2/1/2011 c21 
2euphorictragedy
Wow. Wow wow wow. That story was amazing! So original and just perfect in every way. Wow. You truly have a gift, a real talent. Please never stop writing. I'm really sad it's over but I'm so very glad I found this. Again, wow. Truly amazing!
2euphorictragedyWow. Wow wow wow. That story was amazing! So original and just perfect in every way. Wow. You truly have a gift, a real talent. Please never stop writing. I'm really sad it's over but I'm so very glad I found this. Again, wow. Truly amazing!
1/8/2011 c21 raziya353
Loved this story! I loved all it's ups, downs EVERYTHING! Hope to read more by you soon =D
Loved this story! I loved all it's ups, downs EVERYTHING! Hope to read more by you soon =D
1/8/2011 c2 Alice Ivory
Aw, I love this story so far. Well written, good characters, and I totally couldn't (and can't wait!) to meet Sebastian Bear. :) Love that last line, "4. I should probably start screaming right away to ensure proper rescue." And the fight was horribly sad and heart-wrenching. I'm quite mad at Nolan, though I feel fairly confident that he's a good guy and shall redeem himself.
Aw, I love this story so far. Well written, good characters, and I totally couldn't (and can't wait!) to meet Sebastian Bear. :) Love that last line, "4. I should probably start screaming right away to ensure proper rescue." And the fight was horribly sad and heart-wrenching. I'm quite mad at Nolan, though I feel fairly confident that he's a good guy and shall redeem himself.
1/2/2011 c16 7drats
I like this story, alot.
At first it reminded me of a movie called Drop Dead Fred, not so much anymore though.
Now, before I forget.. again. I think it's at the start of chapter 14, maybe 15, but it's definitly near the start, and Madsy and Seb were talking about when they first met: in her yard, she was singing (not very well), BUT, only a few chapters before this, they was a flashback of when they first met and they're in a park and Madsy is crying.
SO, there's obviously a mistake. I personally like them meeting in her yard with her singing, better. Plus it's written and explained better the the other one.
Okay, that's all. Love the story. :)
7dratsI like this story, alot.
At first it reminded me of a movie called Drop Dead Fred, not so much anymore though.
Now, before I forget.. again. I think it's at the start of chapter 14, maybe 15, but it's definitly near the start, and Madsy and Seb were talking about when they first met: in her yard, she was singing (not very well), BUT, only a few chapters before this, they was a flashback of when they first met and they're in a park and Madsy is crying.
SO, there's obviously a mistake. I personally like them meeting in her yard with her singing, better. Plus it's written and explained better the the other one.
Okay, that's all. Love the story. :)
12/13/2010 c20 4Garneau
Hi,
This is an amazing story. It is excruciatingly well written and your creativity levels are well off the chart.
It is such an original story, but complete captivating. I just wanted to get to the end, but was oh so depressed that there wasn't anymore (going to head On and read the sequel)
Your characters are so well developed. Both Sebastian and Madsy make the most endearing and amusing hero and heroine of this story. You portrayals of Madsy and her perspective on life are witty and full of humor.
You are a really talented writer who manages to paint the most unique and beautifully described environments.
The dialogue is flowing as is the actual pace of the story.
Thanks so much for sharing this piece of work. I definitely think that you should pursue getting this published. There is nothing as unique and intriguing out there especially as it is somwell written (minus the occasional spelling or gramstical error).
I look forward to reading more of your work,
Garneau.
4GarneauHi,
This is an amazing story. It is excruciatingly well written and your creativity levels are well off the chart.
It is such an original story, but complete captivating. I just wanted to get to the end, but was oh so depressed that there wasn't anymore (going to head On and read the sequel)
Your characters are so well developed. Both Sebastian and Madsy make the most endearing and amusing hero and heroine of this story. You portrayals of Madsy and her perspective on life are witty and full of humor.
You are a really talented writer who manages to paint the most unique and beautifully described environments.
The dialogue is flowing as is the actual pace of the story.
Thanks so much for sharing this piece of work. I definitely think that you should pursue getting this published. There is nothing as unique and intriguing out there especially as it is somwell written (minus the occasional spelling or gramstical error).
I look forward to reading more of your work,
Garneau.