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for Sebastian Bear Invisible Pervert

6/28/2009 c21 hoptart
Now, I'm probably the last person you want to ask about copyrighting, but, between the last review and now, I came across this site called ' through someone's blog (don't remember who said blog belonged to). Maybe you should go see what they have to offer. Hopefully this helps :)
6/24/2009 c1 Ally
Hey sweetie..

It seems as if plagiarism is dominating fictionpress. Many talented authors like yourself have taken down their fantastic stories. I'm really not so sure about copyrighting, but if you do shift to livejournal, i'm sure your faithful readers would support you. Sad to say, due to unscrupulous people who hide behind the anonymity of their monitor screens, that fictionpress is no longer a safe haven for both authors and readers alike. I wouldn't suggest you removed your story, (and risk being hated by your reads :p) but i do suggest you consult people like Myrika, Emwolf and Angles and effects who also have been hit hard by dumb copy cats. :((

Pls do email me if you need any help? Or even a comforting word or two!

6/22/2009 c1 Lauranthalsala
Wow... wow... wow... wow, it's like you set this story up so well. I'm impressed, I can't wait to see where you go with this, I'm rather excited actually.

I've heard great things about this story from my friends.

And I remember I started this a long time ago, I just forgot what it was called and was never able to find it again
6/20/2009 c21 2msallaroundperfect
I loved your story. When ezra had her birthday, I knew what was going to happen. But still I'm glad Lucian got out. He was really nice to madsy. I hope they find a way to help crake.
6/19/2009 c20 hoptart
Hiya, I jsut finished re-reading this, when I realised that I never reviewed it to start off with. As this is one of my absolute fabvourite stories, I felt compelled to shed my shyness for a minute or so and actually review this. It is a truly wonderful story, can't really describe it :). I love your characters and everything else about this. I've got Lucian Boom on alert, and hope you get another chapter up soon. One more thing - about the whole plagarism and all - I hope you do keep your stories up, be it on fictionpress or elsewhere. Most people here, and I, would hate to lose another talented author.
6/11/2009 c13 Dianaartemis
I felt like I should say this (as I am making my way through your story)

Though it was more prevalent in earlier chapters, I think it showed up again recently. You use the phrase "Slamming my eyes shut" a lot. And though I like some of your other descriptions, that one really bothers me.

It is just that I can't really imagine it at all. 'Slam', at least to me, is both a verb as well as a onomatopoeia. And eyes really don't making a slamming noise when they shut. I think it would be better to use another word/s to describe her quickly, if not bluntly, closing her eyes.

Um, this is just something that really jerks me out of the story whenever I'm reading it. Otherwise, I am really enjoy it and I look forward to the rest of the chapters!
6/5/2009 c21 3Krystal Nickle
OMG! I have reverted back to a preteen because this story was that amazing that I don't know how to tell you! What I do want to tell you is you have the best imagination ever. No joke, you seriously need to take this story down and get it pulished. That being said, I want to help point out a few inconsistencies. The first is how long the third moon actually lasts. In an earlier chapter, Seb mentions that he remembers running for his life for hours from the spirits but then when fighting with Darkness, it only lasts 30 minutes... Actually, I kinda have a problem with the whole fight scene with Darkness. Maybe if you explained what you were trying to portray I'd get it but what I did get was it was too fast. You write amazingly well, so well that I can see in my mind exactly what is going on at all times, except for the fight scene. What were the Venom brothers doing the whole time Madsy was in the house? You could describe the noises the house was making while they were hiding or count down the minutes to draw it out and explain what is going on, where they are in the house each time you mention a time. During the fight scene, I couldn't really picture how menacing Darkness was, it seemed like he was just shadow and kinda fluid? I guess. That's a little hard to explain. Pretty much, to make this story even more amazing, just elaborate on that scene. I mean, Seb was so worried and freaking out and got so many weapons that it built it up but then it just ended so fast. I was left kinda like, whoa, ok so they're safe... Oh and you didn't explain what that bottle Crake gave Seb actually was. I like that you didn't explain what he whispered but I still want to know what the bottle actually was.

The sex scene was necessary so I'm glad you worked up the nerve to write it. Sex is all Seb thinks slash talks about at first and even when he admits his love, its still joked about and very much a part of them. The thing is, you wrote it with class. You didn't go in to detail about his swirling tongue or how long and fast and deep it was, etc. You didn't make it an act of lust but of love. I'm so impressed with the epilogue because it really wrapped everything up and kept it from being considered literotica. So go you!

Please don't take my criticism badly because I really do love this story. I tried making my brother read it because of how unique and crazy it is, but of course when I mentioned the girl and her imaginary friend fall in love, he ran away. Boys and their reputations, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to write out how gifted you are and how you could improve from the reader's standpoint. I'm one of those people who just read and don't bother with signing in to review because I'm too lazy. You deserved the extra effort of signing in and writing this, my own freaking story, because I hope to see your name on tangible books in places like Books A Million. A million good lucks and wishes!
5/28/2009 c21 Benzene
Re-read this story for a third time. Absolutely love this story. Pretty sure that you have heard this a lot. But I want a purple-eyed invisible pervert. :-) Only a few minor grammatical mistakes. Like the possessive s or typos. Excellent plot and character development.
5/23/2009 c20 EdwardISLestat
OMG this story was amazing. I loved it. And I can't wait for the Lucien sequel!
5/23/2009 c6 Brezzia
I LOVE this story. It's insanely addicting, and it's hard as hell to stop reading it for just a second! This is one (of two) of the best stories I've read on Fictionpress...and I've ready probably about a hundred or so. This story deserves to be published :)

Anyways, thank so much for sharing it on here. Keep up the writing!

5/22/2009 c7 EdwardISLestat
Honestly I just had to stop from my two hour reading session to tell you that this story is too freaking amazing for words.
5/4/2009 c1 9MaskedNightingale
Annoying, sweet little brothers and frustrating, lovable best friends. And weirdness surrounds, know the feeling.
4/11/2009 c21 3allthatmelodrama
Have I reviewed this story before? I forget but I was reminded of this when I re-visited my favourites list and I remembered that I absolutely LOVED THIS STORY. And re-read it again (:

I really want a Seb, with his gorgeous violet eyes and pervert-ness and all. You really gave me false hope of summoning one of my imaginary friends from the darkest corners of that world! Ahaha. But he's a great character, and Madsy's great too.

One of my fave stories on FP, full stop. Loved it!
4/6/2009 c21 1PeterMoore
this whole stroy was fascinating and really good. i thought it started off slow but as soon as sebastian came in the picture, it was amazing. thank you for such a good read!
3/21/2009 c21 grassong
this story is officially my favorite story from fictionpress. ive put up homework and sleep for reading this. its just SO GOOD! i was and still am! COMPLETELY absorbed in reading this story. man, i feel like crying now that its over. :'[ it was SO GOOD. ur my favorite author now. WOW. really really really times infinity good job. x)
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