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5/30/2016 c16 Lexie.Loo
Hmm...I think what's hard with these types of stories is the immediate coupling. Love her? He barely knows her for all that he's stalked her ( in a life-preserving way of course) and she knows even less about him! I know that this type of connection can happen to mature adults, but it can also come across as very Romeo/Juliet. Two overly dramatic teens who are in love with the idea of love but don't know how to achieve it with another person.

That being said, I love your other stories, especially Vertigo and Ricochet. Hart and Boone's relationship took time to develop. The audience accepts that they have a history of working together that is the foundation of their relationship and the feelings build from there. With this, there can be no foundation because they just met. So it has to be built if that makes sense? The jumping straight to love just feels a little wonky.
5/20/2016 c30 slcjnk2008
Hi Carmel. This was an amazing story and only fifteen when you started this just proves to me what a natural and brilliant author you are. I love the idea that you were going to make this into a series, I would love to see more of Callum and Dahlia and the resolution of their dilemma's. And I seriously think Liam needs a love story of his own as well as the others in the group - they deserve eternal happiness as well.
I realize you have a busy life so no worries, I'll just keep checking back and add you to my follow/favorite list. Once again thank you for your stories and thank goodness there are writers like you. - Shelley
4/28/2016 c1 Belle
Please sequeal (
4/24/2016 c30 DespondentTordor
Hey now that you're finished with the Vertigo series, maybe you could do a sequel to this awesome story? Because that would just be the best thing ever
3/24/2016 c1 Guest
I've read this story three times in the lat three years, I WANT MY SEQUEL :'(
12/20/2015 c25 Guest
Ok I don't get Liam's reaction here at all- is he jealous?
12/20/2015 c2 Strange dawn
When you said PI I thought principle investigator, as in scientific research. But this will be good too
12/8/2015 c30 2Ray-Anne
Well that was quite good. I liked that you had a stable time line and a stable plot. You left a good opening for the sequel while also making it so that one doesn't necessarily HAVE to have to read it - if that makes sense. Of course your reader would want to, but all the same.

I liked the characters, most were fleshed out very nicely considering there was little limelight for them you really made them distinct as possible in a short amount of time. That's a great skill to have.

I am not positive on the relationship between the main characters; mostly because I'm just not into love at first sight unless its explained in some mate-way and even then it's such a copout for actual relationship building. This had some of that, but you made an effort to build their relationship. Just not great to me. All in all, this all happened in a very short amount of time. A few weeks, and they're in love? Kind of odd for someone who has defensive walls.

I did like the main male, Callum was emotionally available for the main character. Sometimes its nice to just get a good guy in there.

In one way I liked that her powers do not make her all powerful against the vampires; but in others I was a little confused about when they came about and didn't. It seems like she could only really harm them when it was needful plot-wise and other times it didn't help her at all. I'm chalking that up to still learning them (which, like I said, is nice because sometimes people give their mains powers and its like they came with a manual and now their all bad ass and it wasn't like that with her) - but I'm not sure if you did deliberately do that.

Good stuff though, definitely worth exploring your other pieces.
All the best
12/3/2015 c30 mary-pi
I discovered this story today, and I must say I'm shocked. I needed my fill, seeing as we're still a couple of days away from the monthly update of Ricochet. So I was like... "Maybe I should reread Vertigo." So I went into your profile I saw that there were other stories there. Imagine my surprise when I see that one of those stories is about vampires! I'm used to your spying stuff, so it was a bit of a shock to see this kind of story. But it was a very good surprise, exactly what I needed. Well, not exactly what I needed, I would've thrown a couple of sex scenes there. And, may I say I like Liam more than Callum? Callum is the Edward of the story (sorry for the comparison). The serious boyfriend who worries lots, albeit, he's hotter than his Twilight comparison.
Anyway... what I'm trying to say is that this story rocked, and it proves that you've been an amazing writer since you've been 15. I'm dying to read the sequel, even though I would prefer if you finished Ricochet, first.
10/18/2015 c30 tbs0147
I love this story! I know you finished it a while ago...but I was hoping there would be that sequel in the making :) You're an incredible writer and I really wanna read more and find out where Dahlia and Callum go from here! Hopefully you rediscover your muse because this story is brilliant!
7/2/2015 c30 ARulzz
Hey, will you please write a sequel and possibly give Liam a girlfriend? Plus, will you please make Dahlia a bit tougher and less naive, and overall a bit more mature at times? Liam and Dahlia seems to be better with each other than Callum and Dahlia in the last chapters. I love your writing style and you do write pretty good fight scenes, and romantic and comedy scenes. Well, I may or may not check your other stories out. Let's see shall we?
Oh I've already read Oliver Twist and Sahara. I loved Oliver Twist. It was perfect. Sahara was good, but something felt off about it. Like the main characters lacked a bit of chemistry or something...
So sequel?
7/2/2015 c29 ARulzz
Hi. I like this story of yours. But if ever decide to get this published, please make Dahlia Simon as an event planner or something other than PI or anything which indicates that she knows how to fight. PIs do know how to fight, but the character, Dahlia, has shown herself to be a helpless human during all fights, except maybe the one after when she was with Veronica in front of that Sea Shell Motel. She seems like she doesn't know how to fight. A sensible lady would know better than to get distracted by emotions or the things that happen around her, or her thought, but Dahlia is acting like an absolute airhead, with a bit of talent, which needs a large polishing. If you publish this like this itself, it would get more negative reviews than positive ones. I'm not saying this to make you feel down, but it's the truth. People, no older than 30, are read and write here. They are unprofessionals. I'm not saying I'm a professional, but I really do think this story would get far more hits, if she actually is a bit of an airhead, who turns non airhead, and who has a surprising ability to fight, at least for an airhead.
6/30/2015 c9 ARulzz
The inhuman speed, paleness, extra abilities, old is powerful, and maybe eyes turning black too seems to be from Twilight Saga. But then again, eyes turning black could be from Supernaturals. The name Thanatos, and permission for the dead to enter someone's house seems to be from House of Night series. Though this story hasn't exactly developed a character of it's own, as of this chapter. I think it has the potential to get there.
6/30/2015 c30 Guest
This story is absolutely amazing!
I read Vertigo and I have been keeping up with Ricochet and they are both awesome as well, so I was wondering if you really are doing a 'sequel' to this story or maybe you decided against it?
But anyway, I think
5/2/2015 c30 Alice
UPDATE SOON... its been 2 to 3 yrs which is long for updating new squeal...
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