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for A Dream of Death

12/1/2007 c4 26Melladonna
An angel story? There seem to be a lot of them out here, especially after I wrote Sacrifice, lol but maybe it's just a coincidence.

As for this story itself, your chapters while they are good and well-written, should be longer. Long chapters get a good feel for the story and allow the reader to have a bigger sense of mystery and want more by the time it ends.

If you had just posted one chapter of this, there would have been no way I'd take an interest in reading more because something so short isn't enough to even get you in to this story itself.

Now that I've read all 4 chapters, I'm glad that I had read it now and not when it was first published here. I know that this is a matter of preference and that some would consider my chapters too long on my stories but I feel I must at least address the isue.

Shoving that factor aside, I do like your story but I feel you should slow down parts. Even if an author wants to hurry up and make things happen the pace should be even. It's the suspense that builds up the reader for the big shock of an upcoming event and without it, the event won't come off like you want it to, or with nearly the emotional impact.

Other then that, this story does have a lot of potential and you should really make it shine. Just remember to avoid cliche' characters and situations. I give kudos for you for not filling the chapter with dialouge and dialouge and more dialouge like a lot of other authors do here.

I also like the fact that you use a fair amount of description in each chapter another plus. Your characters are also likeable and that's definitely something I like as well. Without good characters the story seems to fall apart.

Perhaps, if you have any free time you'd kindly give me a review or two.

I'll be back to read this one.
2/28/2007 c1 may Ash Young
this is my frist day on this web site but had to reviews this! i loved it! if it got published i would totally buy it! love the story!

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