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for Not to lose him

9/5/2009 c1 eh
I'm sorry, but this was not all that good. It sounds like something I would be embarrassed to write. You can add up adjectives and fragments, but that doesn't mean you have a poem. Your poem has no symmetry (which might have helped a little). Lachrymal is used just because it's a pretty word and sounds good with lover. Your poem makes little sense. Excessive and meaningless use of alliteration. Alliteration should not be the goal of your writing. It is specifically for enhancing something that already has substance. Here, since your poem does not have much substance (or has it but is poorly written), the alliteration is embarrassing. If you want to be a better writer, don't publish your bad pieces. Wait until you have a good one.
12/19/2007 c1 148tangledwebweweave

Interesting how it's all broken up, in kinda random pieces. It describes the mood and feeling and title. The losing...
3/3/2007 c1 871no.peace.los.angeles
God, what an interesting piece. I love what you've done with the sound in this - this poem really is all about sound on one level, but it has this desperation of hanging on to someone on another. It's great. I can't get over the phrase "pour rocks under his shoes." I just have this picture of a girl doing that, to keep him in place. "pain heart" also just has this incredible sound to it. I really like this. It's very nice. Keep writing! :)
2/28/2007 c1 1rage of aquarius
after reading this poem, i feel some sort of odd deja vu: sometime in my life, i think i have stabbed at a sound, grabbed at a glance. "search/pursue/bind" is the typical progression of love, while "love/lust/leave" is the typical progression of loss. "pain heart" ... that's just brilliant. absolutely fascinating concepts involving the pains of loving and keeping that love through all sorts of means-"glue/him, pedestal him," especially-you "bind" someone into a relationship and you put them on a pedestal. the end is like saying, "i've binded you, i'm going to worship you, and it's all due to my insane feelings for you, so 'please hold me.'" yeah. wow. you capture an interesting facet of romantic relationships here, and i love this, love it, love it.
2/28/2007 c1 879Moondog Dozier
This has a quality of sound that is very tough to capture. It grabs the readers attention with the short and quick jabs of sound. The end line is marvelously final, in that it fades to far off hopefullness, and charms the reader into relating to how the speaker feels. Well written. MD:77.

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