5/21/2007 c1 half-sketched.staccatos
konichiwa

This was brilliant. I love this so much! There were too many great (not the right word) lines to give you a specific favorite of mine, but I guess I can try ...

"The pain of a thousand sacrifices"

"The heartbreak of a hundred years"

"An hour's worth of laughter"

Those were three that stuck out at me. I didn't write it, but I also absolutely died for the first and last stanza (okay, now I said it ;P).

One point - I don't think "making" is a strong word to use in the line "Making a salty track." It sounds pretty weak when placed in this poem. I'd say something like "tracking" or "drawing" or "etching," etc. You get what I mean.

It normally wouldn't bother me (though "bother" isn't really the word I'm thinking of), but this poem seems like every word counts. I think you could have used a stronger word here.

I'm going to stop now because I think I'm beginning to repeat myself. Anyway, this poem was absolutely amazing. I loved it so much (there - repetition).

Zaijen

-Shan-

5/20/2007 c1 463All Alone With Her Thoughts
I love the repetition. Great job.

Thanks for the review and the favourite! I'm glad you enjoyed it right now!

Rowan.

3/1/2007 c1 59radioactive stanica
I really love this because it has so much emotion.

I am going to add it to my C2!

Best Wishes!

TSP