
4/1/2007 c1 muckyfingers
Very sweet! Simplistic childish memories are always the most poignant. Good job.
Very sweet! Simplistic childish memories are always the most poignant. Good job.
3/14/2007 c1
17life like whoa
That. Was. Beautiful. I loved the simple things that you elaborated on. It shows it really is the simple things in life that are the most satisfying and most memorable. I found some spelling errors ^_^ and as you requested here they are;
"You'd clam we'd break even" I think you meant
You'd CLAIM we'd break even
"And I can't bear the though of you gone" I think you meant
And I can't bear the THOUGHT of you gone
"And know you saving a place for me" might sound better like
And know YOUR saving a place for me
Just a thought of course =]
I loved your sun metaphor to. Simply gorgeous.
"You’d make the sun jealous
As if you were mocking its power
Letting it know even though it was the center of the universe
You were the center of the little girl it burnt"
Took my breath away. Amazing piece. (and thanks for the review!)

That. Was. Beautiful. I loved the simple things that you elaborated on. It shows it really is the simple things in life that are the most satisfying and most memorable. I found some spelling errors ^_^ and as you requested here they are;
"You'd clam we'd break even" I think you meant
You'd CLAIM we'd break even
"And I can't bear the though of you gone" I think you meant
And I can't bear the THOUGHT of you gone
"And know you saving a place for me" might sound better like
And know YOUR saving a place for me
Just a thought of course =]
I loved your sun metaphor to. Simply gorgeous.
"You’d make the sun jealous
As if you were mocking its power
Letting it know even though it was the center of the universe
You were the center of the little girl it burnt"
Took my breath away. Amazing piece. (and thanks for the review!)