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3/7/2007 c1 sarah hemming
heyy, love the lay out of the story, makes the reading very organised.. good flow to the plot as usual.
3/5/2007 c1 Mariz
Hey Miasha!

The into sounds great! Cant wait for the next chapter! :D

Keep it up!

mariz xoxo
3/4/2007 c1 1RadioFreeRory
Oh, I like this so far. I do hope you continue it.
3/4/2007 c1 24Thomas Maplewood
Ah...Work on your tone. It's not the best. Remember, you're not writing in a journal or something, you're writing a STORY that is supposed to intertain the reader and not bore them. Also, from the moment that you started writing, i could tell that you were another one of those manga obsessors who read manga and then decided they wanted to write something like that but couldn't because you can't draw and decided that for your amusement, you'd write something that you wanted to read. If i'm off, then i want to congradulate you because you've foisted that image very well and it takes a lot of talant to write like someone you're not. As for the story, it's been done before by about a hundred other people, so you're basically writing a homogenous story. Special teens, special schools, secret worlds...uh, Harry Potter ring a bell? The only way that you'd make this work would be if you had a brillent plot, i mean seriously brillent so that anyone reading it would care about the characters and would be so blown away that they wouldn't notice it's a theme that's been done before. Also, Department X sounds like it's been done. X is an old letter that everone used to use but now doesn't, though it still sounds old. Don't use V, ever since V for Vendetta came out everyone has been using that. Make a different letter popular, like...C or something. So stay away from all the things that the lumpenproletariat's have made popular. Your characters need better names. You want names that can simply roll off of the readers tounge. For example, Artemis as in Artemis Fowl. The name could be said fast and easyly, but everyone still knew what it meant. Or another one. Payton as in Payton Frost from the Timkeeper series. Just get better names. If you want a good rule of thumb of whether or not the name will work, this is it. If another character can yell the name as in, "_ look out!", or "_, get out of there!" without sounding weird, then the name is potentially good. Unless there's an exceptional plot, probably abandon the story and start a new one. Try writing in the third person, or as an omniciant narrirator. Remember, i am simply a reviewer, don't trust me, if you are really excited about the story and you really want to write it, then do so because the things that you like the best are the things that you are best at.

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