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8/6/2008 c1 70PoetryQueen
Some grammar errors in the beginning, but this was still good.
5/29/2007 c1 His Mercy's Waiting
Oh, I wish you had added a few more lines! You kind of stopped right in the middle of the excitement...

The first two lines might need a bit reordering of words, just to make it flow better.

Keep writing!
3/10/2007 c1 11xDancingintheRainx
Aww! This makes me miss Creation! I remember when we had to dress like marshmallows to keep warm that night! Its amazing how cold it gets at night but how hot it is during the day. Nice work on the poem!

I especially like "The aroma of bacon and eggs come into the truck" and "Its like a circus" and especially "My best friend is sitting on the ledge" Cuz that's me :) hehe

Great job!
3/4/2007 c1 London Blaise
Makes me want to go camping! Haha. But in all seriousness, I'm going to make a few suggestions. I hope that's all right.

1)I would love to see more sensory detail in this piece. There are so many sights, smells, sensations, sounds, and tastes that people associate with camping. I liked the bits about 'the aroma of bacon and eggs', 'the sounds of muffled songs', etc; keep going with those things. More vivid language might help as well.

2)Perhaps punctuation is something to consider; that is, not punctuation as a technicality but as a poetic device. I would have liked you to tell me, via commas, semicolons, periods, etc., when and where you wanted me to pause in my reading.

Overall, though, I really like the idea, and you've established some solid framework. Hope this helps. Best of luck!
3/4/2007 c1 2easy.to.remember
Nice. I can actually imagine being there. But you might want to look out for certain tiny mistakes in the future. For example, instead of "I wake up in the sun hot heat" you could write something like "I wake up in the hot heat of the sun".

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