Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Child

8/6/2008 c1 70PoetryQueen
This was sad, but true to many children. :( this was a good poem and flowed nicely. I think that if you took out the Blurp! this poem would be a lot better. The Blurp takes away the seriousness. Good job!
9/30/2007 c1 3ethiXthol
Can anyone say the word, "Ouch"? Seriously; that was the only word I cold think of when the poor girl died.

Er... Here's hoping she's dead. Though, in a poem like this, it would have been easier to simply elongate it so that the abuse prolongs, and THEN the girl dies and/or contemplate life at the end.

Well, if you're in a dark mood... like me. Er... yeah. I'm morbid as well. :-)

- Lise -
6/10/2007 c1 Tytherpol
it's good.

the last line reminded me of the signs outside of (one of?) hitler's concentration camps "work is liberty"

so if you wouldn't havfe explained that this was about child abuse,

i would have definitely given it a different meaning.

it's good, though.

i like it.
5/29/2007 c1 His Mercy's Waiting
Very morbid, especially the last line. It was a good way to present your topic. But I'd advise not putting too many periods, because it makes the flow kind of choppy.

Keep writing!
4/1/2007 c1 24xLilyx
Very depressing, but good! :) I like how there's little detail, gives a sense of mystery and of how unheard the child is.
3/17/2007 c1 11Slightly Bruised And Broken
i like it. it is said to know that some kids are going through this. anywho, i think you were indirect. which is a good thing, make the reader think.
3/10/2007 c1 11xDancingintheRainx
This piece is so powerful; especially the ending. Very great job! Well done!
3/10/2007 c1 174a silenced revolution
Truly tragic. Quite a powerful piece.

~Hazellin

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service