for Splits5/7/2007 c3 
1shairimean
Most authors write longer chapters as the story progresses but you my darling are an exception, as it seems very much the other way round for you. ;) Seriously, I was blown away by the length of your first chapter, I felt as though I had atleast read two. Not that I'm complaining about it since you only have three chapters to date.
Firstly, I really like you story. I like the plot. The whole politician/ Jew/ dancing thing- it's quite matiure and unlike your average romance/ humor set in college. I like the fact that it's mature. I love the whole dancing thing with it- reading the story makes me want to go and join dance classes- not necessarily ballet- and have my toes mashed in. WEll, my toes aren#t very pretty tp begin with anyway. ;)
So yeah, I very definitely approve of the story line. Also, I like very much how she's not falling over her feet to like him, but in fact it's sort of the other way round. I like how it's muted though, that he soesn't seem arrogant or a playboy.
I like her character- the sarcastic trait is certainly good, but I also like how she's not throwing up just to lose weight to be in point. I have a feeling they are going to let her in anyway.
It was slightly confusing when you introduced all the boys but its ok now- i think I got most of them individualised, packed and labelled. ;) yeah, I think i can handle the characters. I love Cole, he's hot- but aren't all the gay ones. Sigh.
But Noah is very yumm, in a very sincere, getlemanly sort of way. Deapite his stalker ish personalities. Haha, he lives down the corridor from her but she never noticed. WEll, it's certainly obvious that he's been noticing her though. Love that. Reading a book while walking down hallways. Lol. I love his wavy hair, out of interest, how long is it. I say the longer the better. I *love* how he keeps stealing her bag to stop her from running away, that is a priceless idea. I really can't wait for the more romance scenes between them, but I really approve of the pace of the story, and how you are letting things develop naturally for them. Much more believeable and will make all the romance much more special once it arrives- amd more meaningful- which I suspect this story is going to be. Pshht, you can't run from it. :D
But shock! Ross! That was a bomb yo dropped there, I can't believe it, I catually gasped aloud, it is too horrible and unthinkable t imagine. No wonder they didn't want him anywhere near the house. Did Noah really not know who she was talking about? Rossgate- very clever.
You must be quite intelligent to pull off a story about politicas and such, I myself would steer far away from the topic, hm, a bit like Ruth eh? Ok, sorry I will not disgust you and repulse you by associating myself with your main character.
Not fair though, you haven't got enough reviews, it's always the good ones that don't.
But I really like the way the story is progressing. I love the ideas behind it and how it's serious aswell as light. You did have some typos and I think some weird name tranformations in your chapters that could have confused me a bit but hey it's about the bigger picture right.
One thing I would say is that the way ou wrote the story seems slightly impersonal- it might ust be the vibe I get off it, but well that's the vibe I get off it? Yes, I'm not sure how to explain it but I think it could be more...empathetic- I'm not sure about the right word. It's not a very big deal, just thought I'd mention my response.
Oh, can't wait for 'meet the parents' and the party- will it be all very formal I wonder? I'm sure I had a lot more to comment on but you know history coursework awaits and it's already late as it is.
Don't stop wriitng, I'm really into the story- love the aspects in it, it's brilliant. I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter, hope you don't take too long!
1shairimeanMost authors write longer chapters as the story progresses but you my darling are an exception, as it seems very much the other way round for you. ;) Seriously, I was blown away by the length of your first chapter, I felt as though I had atleast read two. Not that I'm complaining about it since you only have three chapters to date.
Firstly, I really like you story. I like the plot. The whole politician/ Jew/ dancing thing- it's quite matiure and unlike your average romance/ humor set in college. I like the fact that it's mature. I love the whole dancing thing with it- reading the story makes me want to go and join dance classes- not necessarily ballet- and have my toes mashed in. WEll, my toes aren#t very pretty tp begin with anyway. ;)
So yeah, I very definitely approve of the story line. Also, I like very much how she's not falling over her feet to like him, but in fact it's sort of the other way round. I like how it's muted though, that he soesn't seem arrogant or a playboy.
I like her character- the sarcastic trait is certainly good, but I also like how she's not throwing up just to lose weight to be in point. I have a feeling they are going to let her in anyway.
It was slightly confusing when you introduced all the boys but its ok now- i think I got most of them individualised, packed and labelled. ;) yeah, I think i can handle the characters. I love Cole, he's hot- but aren't all the gay ones. Sigh.
But Noah is very yumm, in a very sincere, getlemanly sort of way. Deapite his stalker ish personalities. Haha, he lives down the corridor from her but she never noticed. WEll, it's certainly obvious that he's been noticing her though. Love that. Reading a book while walking down hallways. Lol. I love his wavy hair, out of interest, how long is it. I say the longer the better. I *love* how he keeps stealing her bag to stop her from running away, that is a priceless idea. I really can't wait for the more romance scenes between them, but I really approve of the pace of the story, and how you are letting things develop naturally for them. Much more believeable and will make all the romance much more special once it arrives- amd more meaningful- which I suspect this story is going to be. Pshht, you can't run from it. :D
But shock! Ross! That was a bomb yo dropped there, I can't believe it, I catually gasped aloud, it is too horrible and unthinkable t imagine. No wonder they didn't want him anywhere near the house. Did Noah really not know who she was talking about? Rossgate- very clever.
You must be quite intelligent to pull off a story about politicas and such, I myself would steer far away from the topic, hm, a bit like Ruth eh? Ok, sorry I will not disgust you and repulse you by associating myself with your main character.
Not fair though, you haven't got enough reviews, it's always the good ones that don't.
But I really like the way the story is progressing. I love the ideas behind it and how it's serious aswell as light. You did have some typos and I think some weird name tranformations in your chapters that could have confused me a bit but hey it's about the bigger picture right.
One thing I would say is that the way ou wrote the story seems slightly impersonal- it might ust be the vibe I get off it, but well that's the vibe I get off it? Yes, I'm not sure how to explain it but I think it could be more...empathetic- I'm not sure about the right word. It's not a very big deal, just thought I'd mention my response.
Oh, can't wait for 'meet the parents' and the party- will it be all very formal I wonder? I'm sure I had a lot more to comment on but you know history coursework awaits and it's already late as it is.
Don't stop wriitng, I'm really into the story- love the aspects in it, it's brilliant. I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter, hope you don't take too long!
5/6/2007 c3 3unlikely.story
I would be brutal were it not for the fact that I hae nothing to be brutal about. I am loving your story to much and have nothing bad to say. Please keep writing.
3unlikely.storyI would be brutal were it not for the fact that I hae nothing to be brutal about. I am loving your story to much and have nothing bad to say. Please keep writing.
5/4/2007 c3 3I Quoth Nevermore
Oh my gosh. You are absolutely brilliant. I love the whole thing with Ross (even though it was so totally horrible) and Noah is so cute/awesome/amazing/wonderful. Ruth is especially realistic and everything she does seems real. The comparison with Noah and Ross both fixing her hair was great. I know you said you wanted suggestions and critiques, but I couldn't find anything wrong. Maybe longer chappies, but not all chapters are long. So it was good. Please update!
3I Quoth NevermoreOh my gosh. You are absolutely brilliant. I love the whole thing with Ross (even though it was so totally horrible) and Noah is so cute/awesome/amazing/wonderful. Ruth is especially realistic and everything she does seems real. The comparison with Noah and Ross both fixing her hair was great. I know you said you wanted suggestions and critiques, but I couldn't find anything wrong. Maybe longer chappies, but not all chapters are long. So it was good. Please update!
5/4/2007 c3 black ennui
(i don't like yamahas, for some reason, either.)
just felt like sharing. :p
i do hope she gets to 'make-up' with his friends, though.
another good chapter, good luck with the rest of the story! =)
(i don't like yamahas, for some reason, either.)
just felt like sharing. :p
i do hope she gets to 'make-up' with his friends, though.
another good chapter, good luck with the rest of the story! =)
3/29/2007 c2 I Quoth Nevermore
Yes. I love this story. Poor Ruth keeps getting dragged around every where. I don't think this was a bad chapter. Sure, Noah wasn't really in it that much, but the whole thing with Isaac was great. Please update as soon as possible.
Yes. I love this story. Poor Ruth keeps getting dragged around every where. I don't think this was a bad chapter. Sure, Noah wasn't really in it that much, but the whole thing with Isaac was great. Please update as soon as possible.
3/29/2007 c1 9Cass Boothe
I really enjoyed this,keep writing. By the way, dining room is spelled with one n.
9Cass BootheI really enjoyed this,keep writing. By the way, dining room is spelled with one n.
3/16/2007 c1 3I Quoth Nevermore
Oh! I love long chappies! I just want to say that you should use a page break when you're switching scenes. Like, you went from Ruth and Noah in one scene, then the next line was with Ruth and Asha, then it went back to Noah. But I love this! I love how Ruth isn't one of those naturally gorgeous(not that she isn't pretty) girls everyone seems to write about. She seems more humam this way. Please update! I love it.
3I Quoth NevermoreOh! I love long chappies! I just want to say that you should use a page break when you're switching scenes. Like, you went from Ruth and Noah in one scene, then the next line was with Ruth and Asha, then it went back to Noah. But I love this! I love how Ruth isn't one of those naturally gorgeous(not that she isn't pretty) girls everyone seems to write about. She seems more humam this way. Please update! I love it.
3/14/2007 c1 Kelly Melly
pretty good, very interesting too. i like it and hope you update soon! Laters
~Kelly Melly
pretty good, very interesting too. i like it and hope you update soon! Laters
~Kelly Melly