for Mine8/27/2011 c5 
25Kyllex
HI BECKY. ;)
I knew I would probably like this before you even posted it. Haha. And I was right! Man, you are so great. I can't write poetry worth crap so I totally appreciate stuff like this!
Your writing makes me think about the world and life and EVERYTHING in new, wonderful ways and it's just so enlightening. I love the way you add little details into this, like the part about the vase and the last few lines about the sand and the coral and the jellyfish. I also love love LOVE how the whole thing flows, like one big continuous thought, without seeming too much like a run-on.
YOU ARE SO FANTASTIC. MANNN YOU BLOW ME AWAY!
(and YES, more crayons! so, so good.)
25KyllexHI BECKY. ;)
I knew I would probably like this before you even posted it. Haha. And I was right! Man, you are so great. I can't write poetry worth crap so I totally appreciate stuff like this!
Your writing makes me think about the world and life and EVERYTHING in new, wonderful ways and it's just so enlightening. I love the way you add little details into this, like the part about the vase and the last few lines about the sand and the coral and the jellyfish. I also love love LOVE how the whole thing flows, like one big continuous thought, without seeming too much like a run-on.
YOU ARE SO FANTASTIC. MANNN YOU BLOW ME AWAY!
(and YES, more crayons! so, so good.)
8/19/2009 c3 5kissmesober
I really like this one!
'too painful'
Really, it's beautiful. Short, and slightly vague, but so beautiful :)
5kissmesoberI really like this one!
'too painful'
Really, it's beautiful. Short, and slightly vague, but so beautiful :)
7/3/2008 c3 empty tea bottles
Oh, haha. I get the second one now.
This third one is nice, but I don't believe "smoothes" is a word.
Oh, haha. I get the second one now.
This third one is nice, but I don't believe "smoothes" is a word.
7/3/2008 c2 empty tea bottles
I'm not quite sure I like the line breaks in this one. At times it makes reading this kind of bumpy.
For instance:
"He bore our
sinful burden
on his
bloodied back."
I think "on his" standing on its own makes the flow seem awkward. But it's up to you how to change it or if you even /want/ to change it.
"now they dangle
shiningly
above
hardened hearts,"
I got a little lost here. What exactly does "they" refer to?
Overall, I'm not quite sure what I think about this poem. You've got some nice imagery in here, but I don't feel you completely got the point across. Maybe just try rereading it and rewording a few things, and it'll be fine. Up to you.
I'm not quite sure I like the line breaks in this one. At times it makes reading this kind of bumpy.
For instance:
"He bore our
sinful burden
on his
bloodied back."
I think "on his" standing on its own makes the flow seem awkward. But it's up to you how to change it or if you even /want/ to change it.
"now they dangle
shiningly
above
hardened hearts,"
I got a little lost here. What exactly does "they" refer to?
Overall, I'm not quite sure what I think about this poem. You've got some nice imagery in here, but I don't feel you completely got the point across. Maybe just try rereading it and rewording a few things, and it'll be fine. Up to you.
7/3/2008 c1 empty tea bottles
Hm, not bad. Some of your wording is very soft; it sounds sincere and at the same time gives a nice image.
I have one small gripe, however:
"and smile majestically as you"
The word "majestically" just seems really out of place to me. I'm not sure why, and it's up to you if you want to change it of course. I just feel that you could find a better adverb.
Overall, nice job.
Hm, not bad. Some of your wording is very soft; it sounds sincere and at the same time gives a nice image.
I have one small gripe, however:
"and smile majestically as you"
The word "majestically" just seems really out of place to me. I'm not sure why, and it's up to you if you want to change it of course. I just feel that you could find a better adverb.
Overall, nice job.
8/25/2007 c1 4In.the.Wardrobe
ooh, nice. and sad. the last line really made the meaning sink in. it flowed nicely and you used good word/phrase choice. well done :D
4In.the.Wardrobeooh, nice. and sad. the last line really made the meaning sink in. it flowed nicely and you used good word/phrase choice. well done :D
8/19/2007 c2 16Cloudsinthesky
I can feel a lot of emotion in this poem. I never thought of those crucifix necklacese this way but it makes a lot of sense why one would. Good job with this.
Cloudsinthesky
(Reviewers_found)
16CloudsintheskyI can feel a lot of emotion in this poem. I never thought of those crucifix necklacese this way but it makes a lot of sense why one would. Good job with this.
Cloudsinthesky
(Reviewers_found)
7/9/2007 c3 speechless
wow, such a pretty collection. this last ones my fave, though. it was breathtaking, raelly. just...wow. your some writer.
wow, such a pretty collection. this last ones my fave, though. it was breathtaking, raelly. just...wow. your some writer.
6/18/2007 c2 89Lady DreamWriter
Again this is an interesting piece about an interesting topic. Once again you have given great detail with your description and depth of the topic while still giving the reader the full emotional of your feelings. Even though we are of profoundly different faiths, I can still have a great respect and awe of what this simple object means to you. Keep up the great work.
Lady_DreamWriter
(from Reviewers_found)
89Lady DreamWriterAgain this is an interesting piece about an interesting topic. Once again you have given great detail with your description and depth of the topic while still giving the reader the full emotional of your feelings. Even though we are of profoundly different faiths, I can still have a great respect and awe of what this simple object means to you. Keep up the great work.
Lady_DreamWriter
(from Reviewers_found)
6/18/2007 c1 Lady DreamWriter
The emotion and description in this poem is incredible. You are really selling yourself short confidence-wise. Even if you don’t think it’s very good, you should never say so within the piece because it might color the over-all opinion of the reader. I love poetry because you can read it however you chose, still, I think that you could teach me a thing or two about the art of poetry. You did a great job with this piece and I can’t wait to read the next chapter.
Lady_DreamWriter
(From Reviewers_found)
The emotion and description in this poem is incredible. You are really selling yourself short confidence-wise. Even if you don’t think it’s very good, you should never say so within the piece because it might color the over-all opinion of the reader. I love poetry because you can read it however you chose, still, I think that you could teach me a thing or two about the art of poetry. You did a great job with this piece and I can’t wait to read the next chapter.
Lady_DreamWriter
(From Reviewers_found)
6/18/2007 c1 1addicted2cocoa
Interesting poem.
I like your use of speech in the poem to differentiate between the two voices in the poem.
I also liked the use of 'honeyed heart'. The alliteration strengthened the connotations and meanings of the word. These two words were the ones which stuck to my mind and just seemed very effective.
I quite liked the use of the brackets in the first two instance but not in the last because it just detracted from the words.
What I didn't like was the presentation of the poem, I felt that it just detracted from the poem. The last line of your poem 'And I know that you were never mine,' loses the impact of its words because it's on separate lines.
Overall I thought the poem was quite good, some of the imagery was strong but at other times the emotions just seemed watered down.
Leila
(reviewers_found)
1addicted2cocoaInteresting poem.
I like your use of speech in the poem to differentiate between the two voices in the poem.
I also liked the use of 'honeyed heart'. The alliteration strengthened the connotations and meanings of the word. These two words were the ones which stuck to my mind and just seemed very effective.
I quite liked the use of the brackets in the first two instance but not in the last because it just detracted from the words.
What I didn't like was the presentation of the poem, I felt that it just detracted from the poem. The last line of your poem 'And I know that you were never mine,' loses the impact of its words because it's on separate lines.
Overall I thought the poem was quite good, some of the imagery was strong but at other times the emotions just seemed watered down.
Leila
(reviewers_found)
6/17/2007 c2 1atlasaire
Crap... I'm not good with poems...
I think of those crosses on people who never truly understood the story behind it and the people who looked and like the necklace don't exactly know about either...
But no matter how much diamonds and gold is put upon the necklace, the story is still the same...
1atlasaireCrap... I'm not good with poems...
I think of those crosses on people who never truly understood the story behind it and the people who looked and like the necklace don't exactly know about either...
But no matter how much diamonds and gold is put upon the necklace, the story is still the same...