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4/15/2009 c19 1Keefin Bickmore
Nice ending, her escape seemed to easy to me but whatever i liked that she finally got safe. Side note what happened to her abusive boyfriend.
4/11/2008 c3 8Written
oh wow, creepy!
4/11/2008 c1 Written
wow, creepy beginning!

just one thing... the name loki despotis isn't very subtle ;)

I will read more!
2/24/2008 c19 Thracian
Happy ending, pretty good story like I said either way. I'd say this epilogue could be longer, but usually most aren't. The whole "Kim tried to smile at her" part, indent when that dialogue comes up otherwise it's stuck in between that little area and doesn't stick out much. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile.)
2/24/2008 c18 Thracian
Ah wow kind of a happy sort of ending... not so much for Lisa really though...but what does it matter? I kind of think there could be more to this story, there was a lot of room for so many things. But either way it's still fine. One thing in this section though:

“Hi, this is officer Johnson, is are you Damion Black?”

is the "is are you" intentional? or did you mean it to be just "are you"? it'd make more sense if it was the latter unless you were going like "is-are you" kind of like a cut-in type deal.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c17 Thracian
I like the end of this chapter, at least she managed to get out even though I'm not sure if this new guy is trustworthy. By the way, about the dental things... everyone's mouth is different same with teeth imprints, what we eat affects them little chips in the surface and all that, there's no way there would be a match (just realistically speaking) if you forget that the story itself is plausible and still readable.. I'm just a realist heh...

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c16 Thracian
Wow I'm dumb...I thought Lisa was his stepmom.. maybe I read too fast. Hmm.. Still kind of strange that she'd be working on the other side. Is the scene with all italics a dream or? if it's not it's kind of distracting.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c15 Thracian
Ah this chapter was a little freaky. Despotis doesn't have really moral friends at all. I saw at least one typo in this "waiste" should be "waist" just unless... you're english? I don't know if there's a difference in spelling it.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c14 Thracian
Wow strange. I'm not sure what to think of this chapter... Lisa's his stepmom...how would she be connected to Despotis like that and have an accent. I'm not really digging this plot twist. Also you should read over this before posting there's some spacing errors.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c13 Thracian
Wow Damion has a lot of attitude in this one...but I guess that's expected considering the circumstances. I like how the reader is slowly being fed background info. I found a word missing in the dialogue though: "Lisa down stairs... she wants to see you. I told her this might not be a good time"

having it as "Lisa is downstairs" makes more sense and doesn't sound as odd.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c12 Thracian
I like how slow moving this chapter was, everything else was in a rush but this was pretty nice. Besides some technicalities with the dialogue the only other thing I found off was this:

Despotis stood to his feet and grabbed a towel from the shelf by the sink.

You don't need to have "to his feet" in there since "stood" already says that.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c11 Thracian
Really intense detail at the end I could picture the whole scene. Nice job. One thing that I noticed a little off in this was the "One nightstand", it should be "One night stand" but that's about it. I didn't think Damion would get out of that house alive I figured Despotis would make sure they were dead since he's done everything before.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c10 Thracian
Oh wow the interaction between Damion and his mother was really unexpected. I love the dialogue in this scene, the only thing about this that I didn't like was how short it was... but it's alright.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile.)
2/24/2008 c9 Thracian
I like the flashback in the beginning it gives more characterization to Despotis and it's interesting. The window thing though. Can't she just break the window or you know... unlock it. Windows don't need keys to lock they just have a little lever type deal.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
2/24/2008 c8 Thracian
Hmm...this chapter is a little iffy.. I like the inclusion of the Brother. But I don't see how Despotis managed to get in Aaron's house and happened to have gasoline handy. I like sarcastic bit Damion threw in about wanting to miss a test, it made me smile. Forgot to mention it in the previous review but, I liked the title of the 7th Chapter, very creative.

-Detox (from the Review Marathon, link in my profile)
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