for Milky Way of Dreams10/19/2007 c1 ANonymous
mwahahahai'sgotmessomesblackmails!
mwahahahai'sgotmessomesblackmails!
3/29/2007 c1 
102Midnight In Eden
Punctuation in this is reads very off. First off, I think there should be a period after the second line. You're also using far too many "and"s in the section about the sky, something like this might flow better:
It can rise into the sky,
round the moon
and through the stars.
Maybe it’ll stop somewhere faraway,
where we’ve never seen forsay.
There should pretty much never be a comma then an "and" unless it's part of an independent clause of the sentence that can be removed.
I'd also recommend against capitalising the first word of each line, it's a tradition in poetry sure but not one that really works here.
Otherwise, the language is a tad simplistic but it gets your point across and I think with an edit this could have a great flow to it.
.:midnight:.
102Midnight In EdenPunctuation in this is reads very off. First off, I think there should be a period after the second line. You're also using far too many "and"s in the section about the sky, something like this might flow better:
It can rise into the sky,
round the moon
and through the stars.
Maybe it’ll stop somewhere faraway,
where we’ve never seen forsay.
There should pretty much never be a comma then an "and" unless it's part of an independent clause of the sentence that can be removed.
I'd also recommend against capitalising the first word of each line, it's a tradition in poetry sure but not one that really works here.
Otherwise, the language is a tad simplistic but it gets your point across and I think with an edit this could have a great flow to it.
.:midnight:.